Brown Skin Lady

2008-06-29T08:38:00.000-07:00

The dodgers got no hits last night at Chavez Ravine.

That is, they were not able to make appropriate contact with their bats to put the ball into play.

Going hitless during the course of a baseball game is not conducive to winning-- as getting hits is pretty much the totality of the sport.

They still WON.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat????

The funny part is that most baseball analysts are using words such as "remarkable", "stunning", and "this could only happen in baseball" to describe the game.

I mean, most dodger fans will tell you that there is nothing "stunning" about them going hitless.

I bet Terell Owens could probably lead this team in homeruns.

2008-06-27T14:52:00.000-07:00

I live across the street from The Grove. And from the hours between 11AM and 12AM, the traffic on the corner of third and fairfax is absolutely maddening.

But the early morning hours here can be quite pleasant.

The Whole Foods across the street opens at 7 as workers line the sidewalk with beautiful floral arrangements.

Sleepy-eyed locals stumble across the street to Starbucks.

And I get to wake up to the soothing bell of the Farmer's Market clock tower.

I used to love hearing the Storke Tower bell ring at UCSB when I lived on the 6500 block of Sabado.

I used to always enjoy hearing the distant blare of the fog horn somewhere off the coast of Santa Barbara while I was studying at night.

2008-06-26T09:02:00.000-07:00

The following is an email sent to a professor of mine. I think it places proper perspective during my time spent in the classroom.

Hi Dr. -----,

It has been too long since we last spoke, but I just wanted to let you know that you are always in my thoughts, and that I wouldn't be here enjoying my summer vacation if it weren't for you.

I've just completed my 3rd year teaching (4th overall) as a Math teacher at Wallis Annenberg High School, a charter school in South Los Angeles, a school which currently has an API score of 683, the highest score of any surrounding schools with similar demographics. I've taught pre-algebra, algebra, and geometry. This past year I taught algebra 2, and hopefully next year, I'll be teaching pre-calculus. I've seen the school grow tremendously in the short amount of time I have been there, and can honestly say that this past year has truly been my most successful.

During my time at CGU, I was told that it takes about 4 - 5 years to finally become comfortable in the teaching profession and it's completely true. As a "wily veteran" now, my classroom management has drastically improved, my lesson plans are well-planned and well-paced, and my dedication to the teaching craft has reaped many benefits. I've traveled to Palm Springs, Chicago, Dallas, and North Carolina, for professional development training particularly in the realm of teaching with technology. I've implemented a quasi-network in my classroom using Texas - Instrument's Navigator Technology, where students log into the network using the class set of graphing calculators. From here, I can do a myriad of activities...too many to list. It's been the most powerful tool in the math classroom I've ever witnessed.

I believe I still have a ways to improve as a teacher, particularly in my ability to reach my students on a personal level...something that I've lacked in previous years due to the time I spend lesson planning and grading. However, as every year passes, less time is focused on lesson plans (as I recycle them) and more time is spent engaging my students -- through personal anecdotes, joking with them, and endearing myself to them.

As I get older, (I'll be 29 in one month!), perspective has indeed led to personal growth, and thus I feel more comfortable with who I am and what I stand for. I don't know exactly what my students take from me or how I influence them on a daily basis, but when I go to sleep at night, I know I've worked diligently and patiently. I can only have faith, or as Barack Obama would say...I only have the audacity to hope that my students can follow my lead.

I wanted to thank you for being so instrumental in my professional career. I hope all is well with your family and look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerly,
Andrew Doan

2008-06-25T13:15:00.001-07:00

I have just completed my 3rd year of teaching in South Central Los Angeles and my 4th year of teaching overall. The old adage in traditional pedagogy states that teachers will start to feel successful after year 4.

It's true, life seems to revolve around a four year cycle:

Presidential Terms
The Olympics
World Cup
College Degrees
NBA Rookie Contracts

And since lists are so awesome--

Professional athletes who have broken out in their fourth year:

Derek Harper, PG, Dallas Mavericks
Lava Man, California Bred Gelding
Sasha Vujacic, SG, Los Angeles Lakers
Erik Bedard, SP, Baltimore Orioles

This is my first post in 2008.

2007-12-28T10:16:00.000-08:00

Speaking of thoughts...how about Karl Malone's range?

I am not talking about his 18 foot jumper range.

I am talking about his 18-wheeler/ power forward persona range.

Karl Malone is simulatneously the blackest man and whitest black man on the face of this earth.

You know...drives hard to the rim, rebounds, muscular. In other words, he's everything a Jewish guy isn't.

But then he's into 18 wheelers, and shooting squirrels.

He's like this crazy sort of hillbilly mixed with this crazy sort of nubian warrior.

2007-12-25T03:53:00.000-08:00

I am in the midst of a three week vacation providing me plenty of opportunities to not only think, but to blog about my thoughts.

So -- clearly -- there are problems here.

I have been dating her for one year now, and it wasn't until the one year mark that I wanted to know the specifics of her dating past.

And -- clearly -- this is generally not a healthy topic of discussion.

I knew that prior to asking her the details of her past, I had to be prepared for the litany of emotions that would subsequently follow and more precisely, the emotion of jealousy.

Even though I feel like I love her, part of my brain resents her dating past with an unspeakable ferocity. Which is interesting because now whenever I feel like I love her, I unconsciously feel grains of jealousy. And it is becoming harder and harder for me to process those two emotions.

So -- clearly -- I am not psychologically flawless.

When you love somebody, you become fascinated by the myriad of components that define that person. If I were to try to explain Anel's life, it is an unfathomable collection of events, all things considered.

And when I say "all things", I truly mean the entire spectrum of her existence: her ex-boyfriend, her mom, USC, the role of Mexican - American females, catholoicism, her ex-boyfriend, the coat of paint in her bedroom, Beyonce Knowles, Chinese Checkers, works of Latin American fiction, romantic comedies, the factors which contribute to a female's emotional dependency on men, and her ex-boyfriend.

However, all that stuff is her life; that stuff has nothing to do with me, really, and it would be wrong for me to comment on anything that doesn't affect me directly.

(In fact, it's probably wrong for me to even comment on the things that do affect me, since she's obviously a real person who probably does not expect to have her life brodcast over the Internet).

2007-12-24T11:41:00.000-08:00

When I read this blog from four years ago, I cringe. I was 23 years old, going through one of the darkest periods of my life quite uncertain about that status of my career, and positively uncertain about my mental health.

I used to drink alot too.

Alot of posts were dedicated to the general nonsense of being in your early twenties, and while the excuse "I was young" may hold true, I still cringe at my usage of improper grammar, syntax, and spelling.

I view these previous postings from the perspective of a psychologist, witnessing a pattern of self-destructive behavior -- alcohol, drugs, gambling.

But today much of this behavior has ceased for a number of reasons.

At 25, the miles on my body began to take its toll.
At 26, the focus on my career shifted.
And at 27, a beautiful partner came into my life.

Pushing that former 23 year old hypermasculine ego aside I will say that she has become a stabilizing force in my life that I was lacking and I love her immensely for this.

2007-12-05T12:28:00.001-08:00

Today I am for: Christmas quesadillas, inverse functions, paste, Trevor Ariza, and Clayton Kershaw

Today I am against: Glue Sticks.

My mindstate is currently one-dimensional. All I see are inverse functions.

Logarithms, yo.

2007-11-29T08:22:00.000-08:00

Today I am for: Takashi Saito's recruiting efforts, the "shuuto" reverse slider, rock on education, mini zucchini walnut muffins, and tutoring HS school basketball players on Hollinger's player efficiency rating.

Today I am against: Esteban Loiza, fork balls, lacksadaiscal parenting, caramel praline muffins, and tutoring HS baseball players on slugging percentage.

I will admit that I am in currently in what Troy Polomalu calls the beach gorilla workout. That is "lifting weights to look good on the beach but serve no purpose in real life"

Which is interesting because Troy Polomalu's reality includes executing open field tackles while spread in the Cover 2.

2007-11-27T21:29:00.000-08:00

Holy crap!

I'm 28!

28 is not 23.

Sheesh! 28 is not even 25.

At least at 28, you aren't stuck teaching remedial math.

Maybe I've paid my dues.

2007-11-23T07:36:00.000-08:00

A glimpse into the inner workings of the male intellect (per conversation with a buddy of mine):

What's happening with D----?

I don't ever want to think about her again.

Why?

Well I told her I was ready, and I said let's be together. And I bought her flowers.

And then?

Then she told me she didn't want to. That I was a "wildcard", and the guy she was with now was a "sure thing."

How do you feel about that?

Well I looked up any wildcard teams to have ever won a championship...and, well, that didn't help my cause.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Critically thinking about sports is crucial to understanding relationships.

2007-11-21T06:39:00.000-08:00

Mr Doan, what is it that every man needs to know about a women?

Son, you need to know that women are very unpredictable, much more so than men. That when you think you know a women, you don't.

She will love you when you cook her dinners, take her on spontaneous trips to vegas, pack her a picnic at the museum, and hang out with her little brother.

But she might also feel that love has been taken away from her the minute she becomes disappointed with your decision to hang out with your buddies.

2007-11-20T07:59:00.001-08:00

Super-hot chicks are annoying.

Why?

If you are good looking, I will agree with everything you say.

If you are ugly, poor, or fat...you have obstacles.

Super-hot women are empowered because society has never told them to shut up.

2007-11-17T06:19:00.000-08:00

These days I would prefer to spend my evenings watching a movie or attend a sporting event rather than have distilled malt, barley, and hops infest my liver.

I guess that's not entirely true.

I would like to have my liver infested with distilled malt, barley and hops only if the venue where aformentioned infiltration occurs is Staples Center. Or Elysian Park. Heck, even Home Depot Center.

So today I am for: Farmar racking up two cruical steals in the 4th, Turiaf shimmy-ing on the bench, the Lakers offense running a freestyle offense before settling into the triangle, and playing soccer on Saturday mornings.

Today I am against: Billups's knee injury, Mc~~Dyess's~~Nugget's shoulder, and Rick Mahorn.

It would have been nice not to have paid to see Flip Murray and Jason Maxiel start.

2007-11-13T05:42:00.000-08:00

I have visited:

The United States
Los Angeles, San Diego, Las Vegas, Tuscon, Grand Canyon, Phoenix, San Antonio, Austin, Houston, New Orleans, Miami, Key West, Key Largo, Orlando, Washington DC, Philadelphia, New York City, Boston, Detroit, Chicago, Denver, Seattle, San Francisco, Santa Barbara, and Honolulu.

Mexico
Tijuana, Rosarito, Cancun, Cabo San Lucas, and Mazatlan

Canada
British Columbia (Vancouver)

Asia
Thailand (Bangkok), Vietnam (Hanoi, Saigon), Hong Kong, Indonesia (Bali), Japan (Tokyo), and the Phillipines (Manila, Makati City)

South America
Brazil (Rio De Janiero, Buzios), Uruguay (Montevideo, Punta Del Este)

Carribiean
Puerto Rico (San Juan), Aruba

I have not visited yet wish to visit:
Central American Countries, More of the Carribean, More of South America, Europe, Austrailia, Africa

Travelling truly builds resilience, a characteristic I believe to have acquired through my personal experience.

I have also noticed that with all the different faces and colors, we all still play the same games.

2007-11-09T14:10:00.000-08:00

A wsie man once told me that people will only achieve if there are incentives or consequences.

However, rewarding is completely subjective.

I shower my students with Starbursts for answering correctly.

And my philosophy on teaching is this:

I do. You watch.
I do. You help.
You do. I help.
You do. I watch.

Simple.

And as much as I shower my students with Starburts, the true reward reflects on their progress report when I make a comment that comes straight from the heart:

For Example:
Jessica -- You're attitude is impeccable and you make me happy to wake up in the morning.

Thanks! Mr. Doan

2007-11-07T15:22:00.000-08:00

Today I am for: American Gangster, stretching and shrinking of absolute value functions, partially closed intervals, Miguel Cabrera playing 3rd at Chavez Ravine, and brining down 3/4 of the NY DEA!

Today I am against: Cheese on meat, A-Rod playing 3rd at Chavez Ravine, and those who stand in the way of others making progress!

You go see American Gangster!

2007-11-05T10:02:00.000-08:00

Ever been out with one of your buddies who happens to bring along one of his buddies and you all are at a bar, having a couple of drinks...and it turns out that this friend of a friend happens to enjoy NASCAR, domestic violence, confederated flags, and racism?

Does this not lower the stock of your mutual friend?

And does this same type of analogy hold true for a significant other, male or female?

Like say your GF previously dated a club DJ, who wore the brim of his hat over his face and refuses to talk to anybody -- that blowhard that every girl finds attractive.

Wouldn't you look at your SO a little bit differently the next time you saw him/ her naked?

2007-11-04T05:52:00.001-08:00

Meatloaf Wellington.

2007-11-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to question if music is strictly for young folks. I am not limiting this question to just my own preferences of a certain brand of hip hop but to all musical genres. Why is that?

Perhaps my old soul no longer has a preference to spending wads of cash on a Jaeger/ Coke to see a Funky Fiesta at the Key Club (which I did on Thursday).

Perhaps I don't see too many 35 year olds rocking out to the latest GangstaBot CD or to any CD for that matter.

Perhaps I just have an aversion to Ina Garten's Barefoot Contessa (Food Network, daily at 5PM).

Or perhaps, checking Joe Girardi's stats from his playing days will always be my one true outlet from life.

Lakers rout Phoenix? For their homeowner? At US Airways?? Amen.

2007-11-02T08:02:00.000-07:00

Today I am for: Latin Funk, Adam Carolla mornings, Torre and Mattingly, Bynum's development, negra modelo, the rote task of grading high school math tests, starbuck's bacon avocado wrap, and low hdl levels.

Today I am against: The rote task of grading high school math tests.

I have a desire to slowly revive the brown skin lady. Like the Phoenix!

2007-10-31T20:18:00.000-07:00

Leave it to the italians to devise the simplest and tastiest toast treat of all time. Bruschetta should be piled high with toppings. Like a pizza. Simplicity counts...but this doesn't mean that we should lose flavor.

Remember to slice your bread on the diagnol. Why? Simple physics. It's easier to bite into a hard piece of bread at angle than straight down.

(Plus it looks prettier when plating.)

2007-10-30T16:19:00.001-07:00

Today I am for: TLC's Take Home Chef, kitchen islands, NBA tip-off, and the paradoxical value of rewarding boredom.

Today I am against: the H Pylori bacteria that infests my stomach.

I believe in the Joe Torre era.

2007-10-29T07:11:00.000-07:00

Today I am for: The suppleness of a brand new Russell Athletic hoodie, omelette stations, sous-chefs, queso fresco mac and cheese, taking mondays off, ample kitchen workspace, vrbo.com, and cultural diversity.

Today I am against: going back to work on Tuesday, alarm buzzers, and the 12-hours fast leading up towards one's annual physical.

There are destinations in America which I have never frequented yet believe to be extraordinary. This, undoubtedly, is the result of media influence.

Some men peruse the newstand and ogle over the latest covergirl on Maxim. Some women peruse the newstand and get their gossip fix from US weekly.

I browse the newstand and become enamored by the images of Monterey on the cover of Coastal Living. I watch Dan in Real Life, and picture myself drinking my morning coffee on the stoop of a Rhode Island house. I see the snow-capped Rocky Mountains in HD during the pregame of game 4 and start looking for teaching positions in Denver.

Be surprised.

2007-10-24T16:42:00.000-07:00

Today I am for: Verizon Wireless's impecabble customer service, the thought of Ortiz running the bases in mile high altitude, Thing 1 and Thing 2, and Kenneth Cole Watches.

Today I am against: Those that cannot supply impeccable customer service at all of hours of the day, and bicep curls.

After losing my phone last night, I decided to cancel my service and place a call to the insurance company to get a brand new shiny LG VX8700. This phone call was made at 7:00 AM. The police report needed for the insurance claim was made at 6:30AM. During both of the times, the attitude given to me was nothing short of legendary.

There must be some type of correlation between the type of service you get in the morning versus that of the afternoon.

I mean...at 4:45PM I ready to give anybody who crosses my path a purple nurple!

2007-10-23T14:05:00.000-07:00

Today I am for: Translations of linear functions, green apple jolly ranchers, swapping Kobe, and annual physicals.

Today I am against: Old school math pedagogy, grape jolly ranchers, Sasha Vujajic, and dirty pipe screens.

2007-10-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

Today I am for: Function notation, Manning and Addai pulling off a monday night miracle, AAPL, and Chile Rellenos.

Today I am against: emasculation, bureaucratic bs in the public school system, infinite arithmetic series, and cucumbers.

Its been over 18 months since I last swallowed a Prozac. And with the depletion of selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors in my system, I've lost closed to twenty lbs, found meaning in my job, and fallen in love.

All positives...for sure.

However, in the past 18 months, I've also seen a rise in irritable and jealous reactions over issues that I previously would have downplayed and laughed off. These emotions were nonexistent during my period on SSRI's.

Which leads me to believe that balance is crucial to vitality.

2007-10-21T15:00:00.000-07:00

Today I am for: Bedtimes at a reasonable hour, Donald Driver, pot roast which makes its own gravy, translations of functions, and bringing back that OLD NEW YORK RAP!

Today I am against: Alpha Males, Queen Bees, loan consolidation, 12 hour battery life, and overzealous badger-ers.

Okay?

2007-10-20T17:56:00.000-07:00

Today I am for: Rocky Mountain Win Streaks, Kenny Lofton, 5 month blogging layoffs, slow cooked ham shanks, JW keeping the comment post alive, beautiful Santa Barbara, CA and Noah's Bagels' Autumn Blend.

Today I am against: Overzealous Yorkies, Plain Bagles,Drew, Lugo, Gagne, Sallie Mae, and jealousy.

Peace.

2007-05-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

I spend much of my free time thinking about the future of sports and the future of our children.

This is because I care deeply about sports.

When I was a kid, my coach could have questioned my intelligence and degraded me in front of the rest of the team and his reasoning for doing so would be completely valid.

I've never really cared about winning on an emotional level but winning has always made sense to me intellectually. It seems like the logical thing to want.

And now as adult, I want the process of winning to be complicated. I am fascinated with anything that makes sports more cerebral and less physical.

And thus my love for baseball exists.

"Let's assume our opponent has runners on first and third with no out and they send the trail runner to second with the count 0-2.

What is our objective?"

I implore you to watch Baseball Tonight more often.

2007-05-13T23:38:00.000-07:00

Back in 1999, I was on an MTV gameshow called webRIOT. I just checked the website...

webRIOT!

Dude in the "3" frame looks vaguely familiar.

The internet is scary.

2007-04-18T23:13:00.000-07:00

The Golden State Warriors are in the NBA playoffs. These are words that have not been formed into a coherent English sentence in the 21st century. When I think of GS, TMC comes to mind. But honestly...my favorite dude from those teams???

Terry Teagle.

His go to move was a turnaround jumper. The turnaround jumper was almost as unstoppable as the skyhook...and both have gone the way of the two-handed set shot. Nonexistent.

In other news, I just spent one week in Aruba.

She's radical.

2007-04-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

I have a homework assignment due on Sunday:

Write an intricate love letter to the lady.

Understand that this is not an easy task because writing a love letter equals coming from the heart.

Which equals not talking nonsense.

Which equals problem.

Also understand that my Ralph Tresvant Sensitivity skills where in previous relationships I would have thought about new and creative ways to kiss her hand and erase her doubts have now evolved into thoughts about...

Mid-nineties Nic Cage action films!

The Rock
Con-Air
Face/Off

I might be able to discuss the awesomeness of these three films for about four hours.

But alas, homework needs to be done.

2007-04-03T15:11:00.000-07:00

About 4 months ago, I took Power 106 off the presets in the Envoy. You too would commit such an audacious act of rebellion if you worked with teenagers all day.

This being the case, I recently stumbled across the Game/ Kanye collabo and what I proceeded to hear was fire burning through the Fosgate 10".

Would you be with Jay-Z, if he wasn't CEO/
Would you be with F-A-B-0, if he drove a NEO/
Would you ride with Neyo, if he was in a GEO/
Something something something, something something TREO.

Nothing says spring break 2007 like driving in an SUV down Sepulveda in the LA sun, rocking the stunners, and bumpin Game.

If I had a choice, all modern rap records would have
1. Clever Wordplay
2. Kanye Beats/ Dilla Samples
3. A spoof on Video Ho's.

2007-04-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am alive.

Considering I don't have internet at home (i mean, i'm too cheap to pay $15,) activity on the World Wide Web is at an all time minimal. Family Guy/ Entourage viewing is up, however.

Sports Illustrated's baseball preview picked the Angels over the Dodger in this year's world series.

This being the case, I went to the annual pre-season freeway series between the two clubs.

What's new in Chavez Ravine in 2007?

Revamped Parking: In previous years, the only way to leave the parking lot was to major in Dodger Stadium Navigaton. Frank McCourt decided to add about an ant colony's worth of parking attendants, police escorts, and orange cones to direct the flow of traffic. (On a side note, I witnessed people getting busted for tailgating last thursday. Jesus.)

Ticket Prices: $6 still gets you in the top deck. $600 gets you dugout club. Would you rather sit next to drunk mexican, or drunk Alyssa Milano? (I choose the former.)

Trader Joes Advertisement: Not really new, because they were a sponsor last year...but I just need to mention that 2 of my most favorite 3 things in life are at 1 location; Trader Joes and Olmedo Saenz. If only McCourt could somehow simulcast HRTV.

Mike Lieberthal: He is the x-factor of this year's squad, much like Lofton was last year. (Also, I used Lieberthal in RBI baseball.)

All you can eat Right Field Pavillion: I just might have to fork over the $40 just once this year -- and not necessarily for the Dodger Dogs, or Plastic Cheese Nachos. I'm more amped on the endless supply of Chocolate Carnation Malt. I mean, who don't like eating with a wooden spoon?

My own personal goals?

Get on the Kiss Cam and then mount my girl in front of 56,000.

Catch three homeruns in BP.

Spring Break 2007!

2007-03-09T14:22:00.000-08:00

Topics currently on my mind as I sit at a t-mobile hotspot. In Chicago:

How my blogging regimen eerily resembles my workout regimen.

How traveling for work isn't as exciting as thought it would be as a youth. (Because, you actually work.)

The 90 degree weather that currently engulfs Los Angeles.

Aruba and Vegas. Two destinations that will feel the wrath of my madness in the upcoming month.

The Top 5 most outstanding duos of all time:
5. Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley: Halftime shows got nothing on this tandem.

4. Mos Def and Talib Kweli: Quirky energy and mad lyricism team up to bring fire to your earhole.

3. George Costanza and Jerry Seinfeld: Forever changed the landscape of observational comedy.

2. Fish and Chips: Seriously.

1. Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla: Carolla's morning show blows. Loveline blows. These two desparately need each other, because intelligence and articulation pair well with crazy genius.

2007-02-26T20:51:00.000-08:00

There is, in fact, a Japanese Obstacle Course. I know this. I saw it on the deuce. And, oh my goodness, did this make for some entertaining television.

The object of the show is to complete a giant obstacle course that tests the body and mind of 50 contestants for each show. Round by round, the contestants that do not get eliminated advance to the next round. There are 4 grueling stages called "1st Marine", "2nd Adventure", "3rd Fantasy" and "Final Viking". Whoever survives "Final Viking" is crowned the Ultimate Survivor. Obstacles change during each of the stages except for Final Viking at the end.

Among one of my favorite stages of the course: 4th Grade Level Math.

I actually witnessed several Japanese folk fail this stage! Of course they were women.

(Because, you know, women like to talk about there feelings and stuff. And there is no place for feelings in the mathematics discipline.)

Viking: The Ultimate Obstacle Course.

2007-02-25T14:28:00.000-08:00

I do not have quite the ability to lose myself in fiction as I did when I was a child and teenager. Thus, when the inevitable topics of hollywood movies arises in social gatherings I never have anything remotely intelligent to say.

I also prefer autobiographies, memoirs, and works of nonfiction over novels.

Television programming is much more appealing when the channel is dialed to a sporting event. If my options on the television dwindled to two options and those options were say...Grey's Anatomy and Japanese Obstacle Course, I would opt for the latter.

I have no idea why I have any of these preferences other than I don't like sitting still for two hours at a time.

With this said, I will now go to an Oscars Party and impress people with my Baked Brie with Apple Currant Chutney in order to avoid any questions in regards to movie trivia.

2007-02-20T18:38:00.000-08:00

In an effort to blog more regularly, I have decided upon attainable goals. This is what many personal trainers will tell their clients when initiating a new training regimen. You know, 30 minutes of enough physical activitiy to elevate your heart rate at a minimum of 3 times per week.

My new personal blogging regimen includes, 3 post per week, 100 words or less.

This post comes live via the apple store in Pasadena, CA.

If only they had some kind of ~~nike~~ blogger plus system where I could attach a sensor to my brain, push the middle button, and some on the go type creative motivational apparatus is activated.

Run on sentence ending in passive voice. O god.

2007-02-19T21:38:00.000-08:00

Things I now know about Canada after two visits:

The "Caesar" is a relatively unknown cocktail here in the USA but is widely considered to be the official cocktail of Canada.

Very similar to a bloody mary, it is made with Clamato, the tomato juice drink Mott's produces which also includes clam broth. A green onion stalk is included in the peppered rimmed glass along with a wedge of lime.

Vancouver might be the cleanest, friendliest city I've ever frequented outside of the Honolulu.

They have good hot dogs too.

And the drinking age is 19.

And a Canuck is slang for Canadian. Kinda like how Americans are referred to as Yankees.

2007-02-14T11:57:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day Andy.

2007-02-01T07:14:00.000-08:00

new york red bulls

ok. you can't say that i am just now a fan. that i have just now bought into the hype. i tried to do dc united last year. i wanted to do the ny red bulls last season. i just couldn't get over the edge. this year. today. i did. i got 2 four-game packs, and then added on two extra tickets, making my total buy-in: 2 tickets for NY vs the Chicago fire, 2 for NY vs Chivas USA (on Mexican Culture day), 4 for NY vs David Beckham's LA Galaxy, and 2 for Freddy Adu's Real Salt Lake. total cost: $348 dollars. no free scarf, no free training top. but jeez, for 348 bones i pretty much just paid bruce arena's salary for the year.

2007-01-28T18:28:00.000-08:00

Having a lady friend makes me think about the importance of loving someone of the opposite sex.

Women need to feel loved in order to feel free, so witholding love from your significant other is like sentencing her to prison.

I think?

Having a lady friend also rehashes memories of previous relationships and how taxing the melodrama can be on your mindstate.

I mean how does it even get to that point?

Insecurities?

Jealousy?

Never again do I want to have those stupid discussions where it feels like you'll never speak again, so you just keep recycling the same conversation over and over and over because even a redundant conversation is beter that losing out on someone forever.

This is all.

2007-01-27T08:45:00.000-08:00

lack o' postings by the harbinger of the homie blog usually equates to opposing intense forces, no middle ground. so one must construe that the math gods have him running promethian errands 25-hours-a-day, his bookie is one dark alleyway away from breaking andycat's paws, his lady has him swen up tighter than a medeival sword wound, or there is a general dissolusionment brought on by lack of head-nodding music. therefore, throw this jam on the ipod, plug it into the envoy, and bang on soul brutha!

i am the man- nicolay featuring black spade

2007-01-24T20:13:00.000-08:00

I don't really think about much these days. Except for:

How delicious Trader Joes Mandarin Orange Chicken is.
Anything I could have ever casually said to a girl that made her want to kiss me.
Median-Median Lines.

That's truly it.

I work 12 hour days.

Sorry for the lack of updates.

2007-01-04T21:15:00.000-08:00

As an avid thoroughbred enthusiast, I pretty much know everything there is to know about horse racing.

This being the case, I see nothing wrong in taking my newfound lady friend to Santa Anita Park and seducing her with its dionysian pleasures:

Luxurious equine specimens. Check.

Mint Juleps. Check.

The fact that I will not have to work for a long time after hitting the pick 6 carryover. Check.

Lascivious thoughts of rolling around in my purse money with my date. Check.

Umm, nevermind.

I have no redeeming social value.

2007-01-03T11:40:00.000-08:00

I've think I have driven somewhere in the neighborhood of 2500 miles over the course of the past 16 days. Which makes me believe I have fully utilized my winter break. Over the course of these 2500 miles, there have been some eccentric stops.

Waffle House in Arizona.

Roller Coasters at State Line.

Prime Rib at Harris Ranch.

Biscuit Sammies at Jack in the Box in Bakersfield.

Any avid roadie will tell you that the heart and soul of any roadtrip lies within its pit stops.

I also noticed that Tribe rhymes about nothing but ass...

C'mon take it easy wouldya, easy easy
I'm up in the gulley, that's when I am her Buddy
She told me pull her hair, I did, it drove her nutty
Filled up the hole like spackle or I mean putty

Keep it Rollin.

2006-12-25T21:21:00.000-08:00

Can I just recap this week for you?

12/15 -- End work for three weeks. Christmas Break. Holiday Party!

12/16 -- Bartend with the underground heads. 90% dudes.

12/17 -- Gift Exchange with Spiky Hairs.

12/18 -- Drive to Phoenix with HS friends. Drink at a Dueling Piano Bar in Downtown Tempe.

12/19 -- Watch Steve Nash dish out 15 assists in one half of Phoenix Suns Basketball.

12/20 -- Drive home from Phoenix.

12/21 -- Wake up to Connor in my living room. Drive to vegas with co-workers. Win 500. Buy 30 Jaeger bombs for co-workers at the Palms Ghost Bar. Wake up next to cute girl.

12/22 -- Lose 700. Buy clothes at Cesars Forum Shops. Get groove on with cute girl at the Palms Playboy Club. Party with Lil Jon. Win 1500.

12/23 -- Drive home from Vegas. Get drinks at Long Beach Club with cute girl.

12/24 -- Fly to San Jose. Eat dinner with cousins.

12/25 -- Fly back to L.A. Hang out with Mom. Go to Hollywood tonight.

And the year is not quite over yet.

2006-12-11T21:11:00.000-08:00

Jason Schmidt is kind of like Karl Malone.

Que no?

I never liked either of them mainly because they both gave the dodgers and lakers a beatdown whenever the two teams met.

But now that they've signed with the home team, I am happy.

It almost makes sense to make it to Chavez Ravine by the 2nd inning.

(Although I might get sick of hearing jigga man every time Juan Pierre steps up to the plate.)

2006-12-10T09:58:00.000-08:00

So we got to groovin on thursday night.

As in getting funky.

You know, bailamos.

And, then I dropped all three of them off.

And she calls me while I'm on the road.

Hello?

I had fun.

Yeah, I did too. When are we hanging out again?

I don't know.

How bout this weekend? How bout saturday?

I don't know. I think she likes you.

Really? I don't like her.

That's not nice.

Well, come over saturday...nobody has to know. I won't say anything.

I won't say anything either.

Cool, I'll make you lunch.

Ok.

---------------------------------------------------

And then homegirl flaked.

I'm assuming it's because of the whole e-coli scare and not the fact that she's only likes me when she's drunk.

2006-12-03T09:57:00.000-08:00

yaw yaw yaw yaw yawawaawawa

I've never been a big Busta Rhymes fan, if only because his albums never have this concept that Nick Hornby refers to as "cohesion."

Nevertheless, he always mangages to put out some hot singles.

...and you know we come through to wreck the discotec....

What is the significance of all this bus-a-bus talk, you wonder?

Well, upon listening to KCRW's jazz programming at 2AM Saturday morning, I picked up on the Woo-Hah! beat. You know, the one where Jay-Dee flips the quirky keyboard sample?

It was some of the most psychadelic spacey jazz, I'd ever heard. So I called in and asked who the composer was.

KCRW.

Yeah, um, dig the selection. Can you, uh, tell me, uh, who, uh, like that a composer was on that last song you played, like, you know?

Galt MacDermot. Check out his catalog on Stones Throw.

Thanks man.

Sometimes I wish I had an audioblog.

Just to get you all in check.

2006-11-29T21:03:00.000-08:00

I need to work on my flirting.

But I guess the underlying key to flirting is confidence.

So maybe I need to work on my confidence and stop all the scowling.

Bleh.

2006-11-28T19:50:00.000-08:00

My right shoulder dislocated three weeks ago and the pain is still rather intense.

I sometimes wonder if more creaky body parts are in order as I age gracefully.

Masking anger and indignity under various circumstances has taken years of practice, however, hiding physical pain is virtually impossible.

When a female breaks my heart, I laugh.

When a slide into second breaks my shoulder, I grimace.

I asked the school counselor on a date via email.

My MRI was burned onto a compact disc for a second opinion.

Technology frightens me.

2006-11-27T22:37:00.000-08:00

I have three types of friends who all have distinctly different objectives when joining me for adult beverages at the local bar scene.

The girl obsessed:

This is the creepy friend whose only mission at the bar is to leer at pretty women. Friendly banter with the fellas is okay while watching the game but completely unacceptable at the bar.

You know, the one who says, Andy, we need chicks!
Fool, I caught her peepin!
He also gives advice like, "The best way to start is to make eye contact and see if you can elicit a smile."

This friend reads askmen.com waaaay too much at the office.
The Music Snob:
This is the friend who is so fucking elitist in his non-appreciation for pop music that he cannot possibly discover any sort of pleasure at the bar if the lyrics blasting through the speakers contains the voice of some high pitched former mouseketeer.

Sounds familiar, eh? (Go BC lions!)
The Pool/Dart Player:
After talking shit to the fellas gets too repetitive, this particular friend will become the most intoxicated and must find some novel activity to quell his competitive ego. Shooting pool, playing darts, even shuffleboard are all fine examples. Dancing with a pretty girl is not.

This friend is also known to smoke a lot of cigarettes.

You fit in with one of the above three.

I will not argue this.

2006-11-23T10:25:00.000-08:00

acat. ready. work it out. Giving love, respect, and THANKS! to the architects of my life.

To Trader Joes Mountain Spring Water, $.49 for a 1.5 liters, and 8 glasses a day. Because that's what they say.

To Dr. K, for prescribing what seems to be an unyielding supply of Vitamin V.

To IVTV, for wildly entertaining the senior class of '07 at Annenberg High.

To Penguins and Ducks, two of nature's least feared winged creatures.

To Vancouver, B.C. -- for providing me a place to wreck havoc for the next few days.

To Pete's Cafe on 4th and main in downtown, for providing adult beverages to weary teachers.

To the Puma Military Cap, for providing stylish head gear while my hair grows back in that weird tweener stage.

To Connor, for parting his hair to one side.

To Max, for cutting his own hair.

To JW and DW, rocking the jew-fros like no other.

To Carlos, for growing out his hair.

To Pat, for wielding his influence upon the youth with his Indie Rockstar hair.

To Daven, because metro hair is in.

And finally, to all the around the ways girls (J, V, A, P, and C) -- you all truly humor me.

Gobble Gobble!

2006-11-19T21:00:00.000-08:00

Bill Simmons will sometimes appear on Adam Carolla's morning show here in LA and both will review movies that are old. A few months ago, they discussed ConAir. I mean, why review the upcoming attractions when you deconstruct a topic using hindsight.

I find this to be dangerously ingenious.

So when heads clown after I profess my revelation of a certain Todd "Ladies Love Cool J/ Get eaten by a shark at the end of deep blue sea" Smith, I have to bring up the Mama Said Knock You Out record.

And since I was the only one who purchased the record in 7th grade, I think I may have made about 38 dubs of the tape off my Kenwood Deck with LL rhyming about C-O-O-L-I-N-F-R-O-N-T-I-N in Alvin the Chipmunk's voice.

Marley Marl on the production tip and was on point throughtout the whole record.

Boomin System.
Around the way girl.
Mama Said.
Jingling Baby Remix.
6 Minutes of Pleasures.

You listen to Mama Said Knock You Out!

(I'll go warm it up with Kane.)

2006-11-13T17:22:00.000-08:00

doanmath.com

Has a catchy dual-syllabic ring to it.

2006-11-08T06:07:00.000-08:00

Press Release:

Medical experts at Kerlan-Jobe have gained an international reputation as pioneers in the field of sports medicine...Dr. Shields brings over two decades of distinguished excellence in sports medicine, including private practice and serving as medical consultants to the L.A. Dodgers, L.A. Kings, L.A. Lakers, and the St. Louis Rams.

Dude is also the doctor who i have an appointement with today.

I need questions.

So...er, ummm...doc?

What's Lamar really like?

Does Greg Maddux really think that chicks dig the long ball?

Why is Torry Holt so awesome?

Refill on Vicodin?

Please?

Do you also think that there is one too many vowels in the word Orthopaedic?

Disclaimer: This post about Vicodin was written while on Vicodin.

2006-11-06T20:32:00.000-08:00

You know...it's might be just a bit of a challenge pouring drinks this weekend with a DISLOCATED SHOULDER.

Slid into second.
Heard something pop.
Ambulance called.
Vicodin prescribed.
Orthopedic Surgeon to be seen.

"What do you predict for this fight?"

Pain. --Clubber Lang, Rocky 3.

2006-11-04T16:59:00.000-08:00

Somtime back in February of this year, the bass master and myself met up with the DJ in downtown Los Angeles to see our beloved Lakers play host to the Hawks of Atlanta.

And while witnessing second year sensation Josh Smith torching the nets of Staples Center with a line like 46/32/18...the best part of witnessing this game live (section 114, row 2, directly behind the basket) was the enthusiasm, energy, and whipping braids of Rony Turiaf -- the lakers rookie PF from Gonzaga fresh off open heart surgery.

You just knew that the kid had some pizazz to him after he was the first off the bench to congratulate his teammates during a timeout. You also knew he had more flava then Madsen because his dances after all of Kobe's threes didn't make you cringe.

And he has single handedly won the past two games of this early Laker season; coming up with big defensive stops, hustle in the paint, and balls out energy.

We are still on pace for the coveted 82-win season.

2006-10-31T17:36:00.000-08:00

Halloween is truly a performance.

And I'm curious to know what it is that people are conveying through this performance.

What are they communicating to each other, and what are they communicating to the outside world?

Rebellion against authority?

Carnivalesque behavior?

Anti-troglodytic senitments?

Perhaps deconstructing those wearing inflated sumo wrestling garb is unnecessary.

And perhaps quotacious quotes is in order:

"I have this sticky film over my body that I can shake off." -- Me, after sleeping on Little Italy couches.

"It's New York. And it's not leaving until you leave." -- Daven, on remedies for sticky films.

"That place smells like there was 8 dudes fucking in it." -- Connor, on Little Italy apartments.

"We drank wine. With shots of Tequila." -- Dave, on Friday happy hour activities.

"I have my friends. Pat and Ron." -- Daven, on certain spirits made from the agave plant.

"How many of those do we have?" -- Carlos, on digital photograph posing.

"I thought you hated your job." --Carlos, after seeing the photograph of the previous post.

"Roll your eyes and flip him off." -- Carlos, after Sepi kissed his girl.

"Your girl looks like Tia and Tamera from Sister Sister." -- Me, on certain resemblance.

"My girl is fine! Those girls are not." -- Sepi.

"Kobe will never win another championship" -- Neil, talking nonsensical jibberish.

"You just said that to the wrong group of people." -- Sepi, Carlos, Daven, and Myself...muggin.

"My bling has seen better days." -- Dave, on rusted playboy rabbit pendants.

"You just wanted to buy dickies." -- Dave, on Connor's Johnny Knoxville costume.

"You can't say anything after wearing the same thing for the past three years." -- Connor, on Dave's leisure suit.

"Isn't it surprising how normal she looks?" -- Carlos, on Veronica's chola-esque outfit.

"It's not really an issue for her. So it isn't for me." -- Chad, on Amazonian like symptoms.

"You two never broke character." -- Daven, on the Chadska P.D.A conglomerate.

"The whole spring street lounge turned and looked." -- Daven (I think), on inflated sumo-wrestling costume.

"I can stand to NOT use a drink." -- Dave, after Saturday night's debauchery.

"Smirnoffs?" -- Dave, 20 minutes later.

"He just threw a trash can at Vijay." -- Moat, on Connor's inebriated antics.

"That was reminiscent of Billy and Jimmy Lee." -- Me, on weapons used by certain double dragon characters.

"Starter-like" -- Connor, on the advertisement for the 49ers jacket he purchased on ebay.

What a weekend.

2006-10-22T09:21:00.000-07:00

I have a really unique group of kids who I teach. And I truly love them all.

2006-10-18T17:34:00.000-07:00

Best Tribe Record?

Midnight Marauders, no question.

Why? Because as much as I loved the previous People's Instinctive, and Low End Theory...MM was less on the jazzy side and more on the jeep-centric tip.

Bob Power was the sound engineer on this record and he seemed to discover the benefits of excessive bass. 808 kick! Snare! Boom! Bap!

(Enter Adam West.)

I'm delirious.

Girls love the jim/ because it causes crazy friction.
When it slides in/ it fluctuates the diction.

Who says I don't post anymore?

2006-10-17T19:03:00.000-07:00

Lakers Starting 5:

Smush, 1
Kobe, 2
Vlad, 3
Smokey, 4
Kwam-izzay, 5.

This LA sqaud is the most powerful starting 5 in recent memory.

Yeah, I said it.

Case in point: I'm watching the Lakers preseason game and there is no way Rashard Lewis can handle Kobe Bryant off the dribble, and Robert Swift cannot match up with Kwame Brown on the block. I am certain the Lakers will win the 2007 NBA O'brien Trophy.

Oh fuck.

This isn't preseason. This game two of the video game season in NBA Live 07.

And I think Ridnour just crossed-over Smush.

And I think I just lost.

This is going to be a long season.

2006-10-02T20:04:00.000-07:00

I've never been to shea.

And I get mad when Carlos Delgado hits a homerun in MLB 2006 and that stupid gigantic pomaceous fruit lights up out of the earth. (That's the big apple for you peons.)

And I really don't like left fielder, Endy Chavez.

Only because when I first heard his name, I thought it was Andy.

Cool shirt though.

2006-09-30T14:47:00.000-07:00

ANDYDOAN1: like russel martin who bats to kanye west.
ucsbcub1: he is half black!
ucsbcub1: that still blows my mind
ANDYDOAN1: really?
ucsbcub1: yeah!
ANDYDOAN1: he is from canada!'
ucsbcub1: i know
ANDYDOAN1: does he play hockey too?
ucsbcub1: he is fully half
ANDYDOAN1: as a opposed to quarterly-half?
ucsbcub1: prboaly
ucsbcub1: he went to the same high school as gagne
ANDYDOAN1: where did you get this information?
ucsbcub1: um just from watching the games
ANDYDOAN1: i do not believe you.
ANDYDOAN1: unless you heard vin say it
ANDYDOAN1: than i believe you.
ucsbcub1: yeah that is true
ucsbcub1: ha no i have heard from vinny that he went to the same high school as gagne a million times
ucsbcub1: vinny is like chick hern not
ucsbcub1: now
ucsbcub1: he repeats himself a lot
ucsbcub1: and that he is half black, i am 100% sure about that
ucsbcub1: if u look at him closely u will see it
ucsbcub1: but if u dont pay attention u cant tell
ANDYDOAN1: i met the guy!
ANDYDOAN1: he was not half black!
ucsbcub1: he is!
ANDYDOAN1: i talked to him at urban outfitters!
ANDYDOAN1: in pasadena!
ucsbcub1: hahaha
ANDYDOAN1: he was buying jeans
ANDYDOAN1: he is not black.
ucsbcub1: dude he is
ANDYDOAN1: the only evidence that you have is that he listens to kanye
ANDYDOAN1: but i listen to kanye.
ANDYDOAN1: i am not half black.
ucsbcub1: hahaha
ucsbcub1: hold on
ucsbcub1: i jusst found that his father perfored the str spangled banner on his saxophone
ucsbcub1: so that is more evidence
ANDYDOAN1: ok, i believe you now.

2006-09-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

I've been completely oblivious to the news...even ~~Kobe Bryant~~ the Dodgers, as they drilled the locals in Colorado on thursday and won 19-11.

One more win or a philly lost means we can be in our third playoff series in the past twenty years.

I'm not sure how I feel about September callups. But I do know that long-time Indians catcher, Einar Diaz is now on the team. Einar Friggin Diaz!.

I love Einar!

1) Because his name is Einar.

2) I once saw a WebGem of him racing over to cover FIRST BASE on a wild pick off.

3) He gives Olmedo Saenz and Carlos DeCastro a new Panamanian buddy to eat lasagna with after the games.

Dude, Panama is the illest.

2006-09-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

Why the commissioner is the shady-est:

My Post:
I can't believe you would say he is shady.

Signed,

His first love(s), first prom date(s), his first kiss(es), his child(ren)

Commissioner response:

(9/20 11:07 am): Hahaha ur post was pretty funny but I had to delete it cuz my CEO is in the league and u callin me shady. I don't wanna git fired, dick.

Deleted. Revolt! Ya basta!

2006-09-19T20:57:00.000-07:00

Pop music has no real content.
An overbundance of talk radio manages to give me the runs.
I yearn for a dope record.

Enter, Game Theory. I dig the direction the Roots rock-esque aesthetics have taken as evident by the ~~constant~~ violent head-nodding one will witness if ever rolling shotgun in the Envoy.

But forget the echoing snares, fierce guitar riffs, rifling keys, and snapping bass strums. Where the album truly shines is Black Thought's lyrics.

Get money? Uh, no.

Instead -- I'm bout to up the fees/ I'm paperchase motivated.

I was blown away by Thought from the jump. Simultaneously, his lyrics are topical, urgent, poignant, incisive, and, needless to say, memorable.

Ill.

2006-09-16T07:40:00.000-07:00

Chicks dig the long ball Maddux is my homeslice.
Took a no hitter into the 7th and had all of Chavez Ravine buzzing last night.
And his comedic timing is AWESOME.

And in other dodgers new...from today's LATIMES --

General Manager Ned Colletti said Friday he plans to bring back Hendrickson next year.

"As of right now, sure," Colletti said.

Yo, Ned. We don't need another Power Forward. We need starting left-handed pitching.

2006-09-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

In my classroom...

I am for: Discussing Aaron Mcgruder's genius with my progressive young black teenage students, rocking to MC Asheru as I grade papers,Texas-Instruments Navigator System, case sensitive passwords, and college letters of recommendation.

I am against: High-Maintenance 8th grade girls who tell their moms that I hurt their feelings, those same moms requesting a parent-teacher conference asking that I apologize.

In an e-mail from the school counselor:

I spoke with the parents of ------------ and they want to know why she is retaking pre-algebra. Before you gave us the list I had just changed her from pre-algebra to Algebra. They would like her to be put back in Algebra because they have tutoring for her and they want her to follow a specific academic plan. They would like to meet with you regarding this issue. They also want to discuss a comment that was said by her Algebra teacher that may have been misinterpreted. Just letting you know beforehand...Please let me know if you are available after school today to speak with them.

Today many damn feelings. Ease, yo.

2006-09-04T16:19:00.000-07:00

andycat. ready. work. it. out. thanks. love. respect.

To the Jersey Shore, a beautiful place and a lovely time for happy couples.

To the Philips 6 speaker/ DVD combo, because I'm junkie for that funky beat.

To teaching economics, completely opposite than algebra and infinitely more rewarding.

To Florida Concentrated Oranje Juice, because without it, Winthorpe and Valentine would have never put the Duke brothers out of business.

To baseball catchers, who I now have the utmost respect after having practiced at my new assignment in the fast-pitch league I'm playing in.

To Trader Joes's Fire-Roasted Balsamic Butter Vegetables, because playing the host and cooking these up will make me some more friends.

To the Kenneth Cole Reaction shoe line, there is no other dress shoe so sharp looking while maintaining comfort.

To Texas-Instruments Navigator, a powerful tool for checking for understanding in one's classroom.

To KRS-One, for getting down in the cypher at the House of Blues.

To Grady Little, for maximizing all your player's strengths and playing the game of baseball the way it should be played...basehits, sac flies, bunts, and steals.

To Fantasy Ax & Smash, not bad for auto-draft.

And finally, to the homegirl out in Atlanta, it's funny how someone can still make you feel that 14-year-old glee all over again.

2006-08-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

I'm always nodding my head when a beat comes on.

As most people with any sense of rhythm will do.

But sometimes my head nod is completely off sync with the other person's.

And I used to think, wow...how can someone have no idea where the beat is at?

But I came to a revelation.

I nod my head on the snare.

Other's tend to move their head to the kick pattern.

Which is why they appear to be off sync.

And they're probably thinking the same of me.

2006-08-21T13:48:00.000-07:00

I'm streaky with the posts. Streaky like the dodgers win streak. Streaky not like a toilet the morning after an alcohol fueled binge.

Reason? Nothing "blog-worthy" (a term coined by none other than my mellow, Devonte.)

But as I sit here on my first day back at work listening to student health and wellness, all I think about is the relaxing, stress-free summer I've had.

And how much I love vacation.

And contrastly, how much I cannot stand people who say nonsense like..."I'm so happy I have to go back to work. If I was always on vacation, I wouldn't know what to do with my life."

Shut up, shut up now.

Vacation convinces me that I could spend the majority of time putzing around.
Putzing around might just be my calling.

But ANYWAY, the most absurd thing about my past Saturday Night bartending in Chinatown was not:

My five minute DJ set in the beginning of the night in front of three people. (Spinning Lyrics Born -- Callin Out/ Latyrx -- Lady don't tek no.)

The two girls approaching me at the bar asking me to mix them a drink.
(Two Sake Bombs.)

The subsequent Sake Bombing I took with above girls.
(Yes, girls. Plural. From this moment forward referred to as the COMBO.)

The momentary glee I had 5 minutes later.
(With the COMBO beginning the flirting process.)

Another Sake Bomb with the COMBO.
(acat Sake Bomb count: 2 COMBO Sake Bomb count: 3)

COMBO's request of "When are you on break? You should come dance with us!"
(Followed by, "my break is right about now.")

And then the sandwich freaking.
(With the COMBO as the bread and me as the PB & J).

Rather, the most absurd part of the night was, in fact, me getting in the Kitchen after the spot closed and proceeding to cook a 2:30 AM meal for all the DJ's/ Staff.

The lesson?

I make a delicious
59. House Special Fried Rice.

2006-08-17T22:37:00.000-07:00

So you want an update?

Everything I consume these days seems to settles in a most bloated fashion. A trip to the doctor is in order.

Or at least a phone call to my doctor.

Prognosis:

Hey Doc, I think the neptunes remixed my small intestine and pumped it full of bass!

*Chirp, Chirp*

Son, it's just an ulcer.

Ailments involving internal organs that strike me as more discomforting than a Peptic Ulcer:

Kidney Stone.
Ruptured Spleen.
Pierced Lung.
Kicked in the testicles after swimming off the Los Angeles County shoreline.

At least Greg Maddux has a 0.90 ERA in a dodger uniform.

2006-08-06T16:49:00.000-07:00

acat and i'm ready to work it out. giving thanks, love, and repect to the architects of my world:

To Uruguay, for winning the first world cup ever/ providing roman candles to vacationing americans on Christmas 2004.

To Southern California Pacific off-shore eddy system, for providing June Gloom in August.

To next week's five-day forecast, getting hotter than sacks of boom.

To downtown culver city, for providing free wifi access.

To Andre Ethier and Furcalcohol, for spraking the blue crew back into the pennant race.

To Asics Gel Kayano, necessary for all weather tracks.

To Larry Johnson's 1993 Converse basketball shoes, with REACT JUICE!

To Ax & Smash, because who don't like witnessing bizarro KISS?

To Trader Joe's Cherry Almond Clusters, because dried bing cherries in my cereal are saucy.

To Malik B., a welcome reunion of all sorts on the Root's, Game Theory.

To Aiden, the dude who all the heads knew at Rawkus in the late 90's.

And finally, to Max, Bret, Dave, Chad, Carlos, Connor, Jenn, la familia, Stacey, Ali, Trish, Rosalie, Veronica, and the person with the 415 number who sent me a text, for wishing me a happy entrance into my late twenties.

2006-07-28T13:36:00.000-07:00

Whilst in conversation, there are three staples of American Pop Culture:

1) Sports: Undoubtedly my strongest point. You want to feverishly discuss Anthony Peeler's Missouri career? Bring it.

2) Music: I'm wholly elitist in this particular branch. Although for some odd reason, I have been known to branch out and discover a little Carly Simon here and there.

3) Movies: My weakest attribute in the last of this three-pronged list. However, there was a time I dated a 20 year old where I was 4 years her senior. (She had luxurious brown hair that smelled like papayas!) Since inebriation was still a few months aways and therefore only an option with the aid of her counterfeit identification card, the totality of our 10-month relationship revolved around cinematic movies. I recall watching: Empire, Two If By Sea, X-Men 2, Biker Boys, How to Date a Guy in 10 days, City of God, Finding Nemo. 2003 was my "movie-watching apex" if you will.

(Why anybody would care to know this? I'm not certain.)

And if you're female, replace sports with fashion.

2006-07-26T22:23:00.000-07:00

The only time I eat hot dogs are at Dodger Stadium and if I'm anywhere near hollywood and it's 2AM (Pinks). Dodger dogs might as well be ambrosia for all I care as they are marinated in beer and then grilled off. And Pink's dog on La Brea and Melrose actually snap. Nothing like that feeling of hot dog juice squirt in your mouth.

Hot dog's at any other time of the day are quite disgusting. But something about the atmosphere at which you eat the gluttonous delight just makes me feel....American.

Fun with text messaging:

JW: Penny is looking bad.
AD: He just gave up a two run two out homer. TO THE PITCHER. I have no choice but to buy a dodger dog.

2006-07-25T15:44:00.000-07:00

My starting 5 all white dude team. Not euro, that is.

And I really spent about 5 minutes debating between Hinrich/ Ridnour at the 1.

This is what I do with my free time.

2006-07-24T09:01:00.000-07:00

A kafka-esque approach to the 5th Option

If there is one person who can make the 5th Option a reality, it is the acat. Let me paint a picture...

...acat exits the envoy to get a bottle of water, leaving Brett to pilot through a 2 hour lineup of cars coming back from a night of whistle-blowing-head-shaking-donkey-showing-revolutionary-blvd-roaming. he weaves through the cars, face as green as frogger's, and a girl, no a young woman, stops him asking him if he wants to buy a blanket or cruz azul jersey. she is out of place, he thinks it's a joke. see, she is young vietnamese, and bordering on beautiful. why is she selling junk at the border? turns out she is from the valley, went to Notre Dame HS, then UCLA, then on to a consulting firm downtown. 3 years in, she couldn't stand it, felt like there had to be something more. she picked up and left and that day, she was on the very end of a 10-month trip from the tip of S.America back to LA, but needed a couple bucks to hack it on her own dime across into Chula Vista. Acat buys a Cruz Azul jersey, throws the blanket away, and tells her that he will give her a ride back. She accepts. 3.5 hrs later, they part in LA with an exchange of emails and AIMs. 3.0 days later they go to dinner. GR/Eats on Sawtelle. He has the Tuna Sandwich and she has the Veggie burger. They both drink tap water. Bill comes and she slaps down 22bones before he can blink. She smiles and says that it is for the ride back. He gets a bit shy, as the acat can do sometimes. Proceed. They head to Zanzibar for some head nodding, as if to affirm that they both know how this night is going to end up...

Not so bad, huh? If anyone, it would be the acat (whose bday is coming up!).

2006-07-22T09:37:00.000-07:00

Feeling free to post about the 4 ways to meet someone. And in no way is this list accurate or even researched, just compiled through observing the scope of my friends' relationships and my own personal experiences within the dating realm.

1) Work (or school, if you don't have a job): Not a bad way to meet someone. But per Leykis 101, get ready for awkward tension if this doesn't pan itself out.

2) Bar/Clubs: So how'd you two meet? Dude...I was completely sloshed and I rubbed up on my old lady and we fornicated two hours later and now here we are. These usually end up like a play defended by Ron Artest in the open court. They tend to break down.

3) Friends of friends: Probably the safest option if, you know, you're the conventional type. And if thinking about my 1991 Topps Rated Rookie Cards at an astounding level is any indication of normal convention, than surely my 2nd ex-wife will be met through one of my home slices.

4) Internet: Truly evolving into a popular option for the 2,332 acquaintences I have made over the years comprised of neighbors, yoga classmates, and county cellmates in block 14.

There is a 5th option. And this is the option of random circumstance. However, in my own anecdotes, this is rare yet not necessarily unforseen. And what I mean by random circumstance is somehow sparking a conversation with the other person while reaching for that last butternut squash at Trader Joe's. Or the book club while discussing Kafka at the library. Or poolside at some exotic locale. Romantic, for sure.

2006-07-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

Out on Hollister Ave in Goleta, CA, I worked with a man named G. G was a North Carolina alumni and profusely bled Tar Heel blue. He would recall humorous anecdotes of Mitch Kupchak copying his answer document from the music ethnocology midterm. He would also enthusiastically describe any scenario he saw on Sportscenter involving a Tar Heel alumni with wild hand gestures.

Shammond Williams hit the game winning 3-last night for the Sonics! TAR HEEEEELS!

This is the only trivial knowledge I know about 31 year old, Shammond Williams. He once hit a three at the buzzer. In Mid-February. Of 2000. For a below .500 team.

I don't know about you but when I think of Tar Heel greats of the past, I think of names like...

Antawn Jamison.
Sam Perkins.
James Worthy.
Kenny Smith.
Rasheed Wallace.

And, of course, Shammond freakin Williams.

He is now Lakers big free agent signing #2.

O joyous day.

2006-07-11T03:31:00.000-07:00

Anybody else want to tell me what I've been missing the past 10 days?

Introducing the Lakers big free agent signing this year:

Vladimir Radmonovic.

(Wait wasn't he just traded for Chris Wilcox?
Wasn't Chris Wilcox just a lottery pick?
Is Melvin Ely still playing?
Am I really up at 3:47 AM?)

He's been given the full mid-level exempt.

Seriously?

We couldn't have gotten Keith Van Horn for the identical game and the league minimum?

Because, you know, I like big, soft, offensive-minded, no defensive playing, Euro dudes.

Well, maybe Craig Hodges turns Vlad into a 3-point machine.
And I never have to see Devean George playing another game in a Laker Uniform.

(NOTE: My fondest memory of Devean George is seeing him at a Manhattan Beach Blockbuster scoping out Video Games about 4 years ago.)

It is now 7PM in Vietnam.

2006-07-10T12:47:00.000-07:00

There are moments when I feel like I'm dead. This is especially true at airports. Everytime I'm at a foreign place with lots of strangers who share an identical (yet completely unrelated) purpose, I start feeling like I'm in purgatory.

And what becomes even more confusing is when I'm on Asian soil and flight attendants and waiters and lumberjacks and pirates and water buffalo start speaking to me in the particular country's native language.

For example, I'm in Tokyo and the people here start speaking to me like I know more five words in the Japanese lanugage.

Uh...hello? Can't you tell by the cargo shorts, the slightly overweight physique, and the white corded headphones that I'm American??????

And Brad Penny is the STARTING PITCHER for the NL All-Star game?!?!?!

And then the Dodgers sweep the snakes but then lose the NorCal SoCal battle against the Giants?

This relationship with the dodgers is like Murdock and B.A.

Truly love-hate.

2006-07-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

Saigon/ Ho Chi Minh City is one of my favorite cities in the world.

I'm at an internet cafe typing this post, sipping on coffee, and absorbing the beauty of the motherland.

Saigon's mood seem to range from pensive mornings to invigorating afternoons and end with a sultry nightlife. I can just imagine my parents having a blast here in their twenties, sipping on coffee, listening to vietnamese folk music, and crawling along on their bicycles.

Saigon is the largest city in Vietnam (p. 3,000,000) and truly a spectacular sight. The Saigon river lies to the east of the city with the Mekong Delta further along the southwest. There's so much history in this city and so recent too! Standing on the steps of the Reunification palace, one can only imagine what an unnerving sight it must have been as the VC barreled into the gates and forced South Vietnam to surrender.

My parents had manage to flee one day earlier. Imagine if circumstances were otherwise. Most likely I would not be typing this sentence.

That is some powerful imagery. Whoa.

The past half century has seen Saigon go from war-torn to government operated to thriving economy.

And as you walk the street you can tell that communism has all but died. Vietnam seems to be a consumer oriented society. People love to spend.

The Vietnamese are a peaceful group of people; 90% practice buddhism.

Nearly everyone I've encountered speaks English to me. I answer back in my broken Vietnamese. Always fun!

2006-06-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

Teenagers say the darndest things.

B (really fat/ overweight student, male), M (honor student, female) and I (good-humored kid, male)

B: Hey, what you get in Romero's class? I got a C.
M: How'd you get a C?
B: You know, I slacked off in that class.
M: B, when don't you slack off.
I: When's he's eating!

---------------------------------------------------------

And because Friday means rap music...
Light hearted melody.
Head nodding jazz beats.
And the all-important warmth.

Any enthusiast of De La, Talib, Tribe would dig.

Yes, I've slept on the two DC emcees.

I leaving to Vietnam and Tokyo.
Like, right now.
Peace.

2006-06-29T13:24:00.000-07:00

In the past three weeks, I have awaken with great anticipation to start my morning. After all, World Cup Soccer could possibly be THE greatest televised sporting event.

My first taste of international soccer was the 1990 World Cup. I remember thinking...wow, there's alot more skill here than Mexican soccer.

I mean, who doesn't remember growing up in L.A and watching channel 34 Mexican premier league futbol, Cruz Azul vs. Jaguares de Chiapas, on Saturdays at 1PM when they were 10 years old?

(Of course this was right after the Honkey-Tonk Man and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine put a lockdown on some jobbers on channel 11.)

But ANYWAY, there has been no futbol en vivo the past two days.

My happy mornings are now melancholy.

You can't just show 8 games of soccer a day for three weeks straight and then not have a game...

Blasphemy!

This is kind of like having the time of your life in College for 5 straight years, graduating, and then not having a job.

O god. My brain has just been saturated with thoughts of terrifying nostalgia.

2006-06-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

Jordan Farmar? Word?

I like the pick as the Lakers desperately needed backcourt help.

We all love Smush but him playing 37 minutes a game was like really wanting some candy and then pressing A2 (Snickers) on the office vending machine, but instead getting C4 (Sunchips).

Sometimes, things are just OUT OF ORDER.

I watched alot of Farmar playing this past season at UCLA and the kid can play...although his perimeter defense was sorely lacking in the tournament. Collinson came off the bench whenever the Bruins needed a big stop.

But from watching Farmar up close at this years Pac-10 tournament, I could tell that he's athletic and has good court vision.

And hopefully Phil will be able to mold that athleticism into some pesky backcoury defense.

(But do me a favor. Can someone tell Jordan Farmar to give AC Green his haircut back? And while your at it, tell Kevin Martin 1991 called. Thanks.)

All I really want is someone to come off the bench, bring some energy, score some points, and be a crowd favorite.

Someone like...

Orlando Woolridge.

Hahahahahhaha, I said Orlando Woolridge.

2006-06-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

For all you SF heads.

And for all my LA people...

My name's Kurt Rambis
They call me Superman
I'm known to lend a helping hand!

1987 Lakers, "Just Say No" Rap.

2006-06-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

I've been spending my weekends out here in the 909.

909 weekends in the summer mean three things.

1) Schools out.
2) Hot as balls outside.
3) 9 year old girls selling ice cold, delicious, refreshing, and most importantly fresh squeezed lemonade.

And when I say fresh, it doesn't get much fresher than a lemon picked out of your backyard tree.

You see, before Upland became a residential neighborhood in the 20's, it was a gargatuan lemon grove.

Trees still exist today (there's one in my mom's backyard) although not in abudance as they once were.

The four basic resources any economy can offer are:

a) Land
b) Labor
c) Capital
d) The entrepreneurship of its people

Any other resources such as corn, oil, or for our purposes lemonade is made from the 4 basic resources listed above.

So when I see two 9 year old girl using resources:

a') Lemon Tree
b') Mom squeezing melons in the kitchen
c') Pitcher, foldable table, magic marker and posterboard
d') Two 9 year old girls (Ashley and Abigail)

and the resulting product is lemondade, then no doubt, I must consume.

Especially at a bargain price of $.50 per 16 oz. red plastic cup!

Although at such a bargain price, I'm curious as to why there wasn't a line forming down 22nd avenue.

I mean at such a bargain price, I was the only customer that Abigail and Ashley had. Would it be wrong of me to take advantage of this consumer surplus?

I would be curious to see the elasticity of the demand if these two girls slashed prices to $.25. I would hypothesize that such demand would be inelastic, that is, the quantity demanded would not be responsive to such a change in price.

Why such a hypothesis?

Well, shifts in the demand curve generally depend on 5 separate determinants:

1) Taste
2) Income
3) Price of other goods -- Substitutes and Compliments
4) Expected Future Price
5) Population of potential buyer

And this 5th determinant will probably haunt Abigail and Ashley (at least in terms of maximizing profit from their business venture).

There's really not a sizeable amount of people out on the corner of 22nd and Euclid on a Monday afternoon in Upland, CA.

But then again, who knows? Economics is really just a social science.

2006-06-23T09:40:00.000-07:00

Summing up the US soccer team's dismal performance in the 2006 World cup are two of my students, J (a white kid) and B ( a black kid).

J: So what do you think about the black soccer players on the US team?
B: They suck just like the white players.

2006-06-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

So I'm watching the Saudi Arabia/ Ukraine match. And I think to myself, I could do a more quality job defending the goal than this atrocious Saudi keeper.

Than I think to myself...I wonder what NBA player would make for a desirable goal keeper.

Five key characteristics that define world class goal keepers:

Tall
Quick instincts
Magnificent hands
Top-notch positioning
Mean

And that fifth characteristic is THE most important:

You want your keeper to be constantly barking orders: "FIVE! FIVE!" (as in 5 man wall) and "LEFT! LEFT! RIGHT! RIGHT! STOP!"

And you want your keeper to have this persisten mug on his face, as in nothing's getting passed me, JACKOFF.

Keepers tend to be loners too. I mean, they never workout with the rest of the team. They only workout with the backup keeper and do these funky drills where they jump over orange cones.

They also have no problem body slamming mascots.

So what NBA players is tall, has good hands, is mean and a loner?

Kobe, no doubt.

2006-06-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

The first round of any tournament is always the most entertaining. It has to do with the constant, nonstop (insert sport here).

This is especially true during March Madness.

But March Madness had nothing on this years NBA playoffs and World cup.

I love how Roberto Carlos is always hustling and running up the flank for the cross. The guy is what, 35? And still running amok.

And speaking of Brazil Soccer...I was at the Press Room in SB on Tuesday night when this conversation ensued.

So where are you from?

(She points to her shirt and I see the familiar Brazil crest with the yellow diamond and blue globe.)

KAKA!!!!!

KAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I went to Rio once.

How did you like it?

You know, they were selling a lot of jersey in Rio. Pele, Romario, Ronaldo, Ronaldihno. But I was very dissapointed they didn't have a Bebeto Jersey.

*5 Second Pause* Bebeto? Bebeto!!!! That's old school!

(This conversation is followed by the cradle dance and Hi-Fives all around).

----------------------------------

Soccer heads feel me.

Eric Wynalda just called Ronaldo a "bloated waste of space".

Eric Wynalda is the best soccer commentator alive.

2006-06-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

The best part of watching soccer on television is not seeing the name "SHAKA HISLOP" appear in the starting lineup graphic or witnessing, up close, bleached blond Korean dudes score on free kicks.

Rather it is the non-stop action.

There are no timeouts in soccer.

There are no television timeouts in soccer.

There are only three substitutions.

There is no icing.

There is no faceoff after an offsides call.

You really only have one stoppage during play -- the 10 minute halftime break.

So really, you have no commercial breaks.
It's just 45 minutes straight soccer.

Say you were to suddenly have a desire to lather your body up with oil during a soccer game. During a baseball game, you would probably do this between innings.

This is not possible while witnessing a televised soccer match.

Also the over/under is consistently 2.5.

2006-06-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

Why the LA Dodgers are kinda like the US Soccer Team who both have characteristics of a Bad Girlfriend:

1. Can't come through in the clutch.
2. You devote all your attention to them only to be embarassed with the end result.
3. Poison to your heart.
4. Initial flashes of brilliance followed by total lack of fundamentals.
5. Will never live up to potential.
6. Dissillusioment comes midway through the season.
8. You keep coming back.

2006-06-11T20:33:00.000-07:00

My favorite part of international friendlies is when players swap jerseys at the end of the match.

But what I don't get is that after the exchange they don't walk off the field half naked with other country's jersey in hand.

The player will immediately put on the foe's jersey. Think about how unhygenic that really is. You just played a 90 minute match in the scorching heat. And you put on another dude's jersey!

All sweaty.
And cold.
And hairy (if opposing team was, of course, Albania).

And say you were Ji Sung Park, who's all of 5'5. The referees whistle has blown. You know you're about to do the traditional jersey exchange. But the problem is you're playing the Angolans, who's average height is about 6'8.

Do you go and seek out a player who is of similar height and body dimensions on the opposing team?

I mean, I would. I don't want to be sporting some XXL jersey. I'm a little guy. And I don't want to look like some dorkus from 1995 in my oversized jersey when I'm talking to German woman at the bars in Hamburg later that night.

(Although if the name on the back of the jersey was emblazened with "KALANGA", I might just let it slide.)

I need to know these things.

2006-06-10T20:38:00.000-07:00

I have watched between 6 - 8 hours of World Cup soccer in the past 24 hours.

And I love it.

Argentina looked very convincing in their win today although they seem susceptible to endurance problems late in the game.

The green stripe on the back of the Ivory Coast Jersey might just be the coolest trim on any uniform.

And seriously, how flippin sweet are the names?

Riquelme. Akale. Yaya Toure.

But the coolest name??

Drogba!

(Sounds like a makai warrior. Or, at the very least, the name of my next puppy.)

2006-06-07T22:29:00.000-07:00

I had a dream.

Get in the kitchen women!

And make you what?

HAPPY!

2006-06-05T15:34:00.000-07:00

Question:

You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal. You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk. This individual is obsessed with chain restaurants. Whenever the subject of food arrives, this person always mentions how Chili's Chicken Cripsers always hits the spot. When you cook dinner, this person gleefuly mutters to herself how Olive Garden's breadsticks are delicious. Beyond eating at these types of restaurants at least three times per week, this person has gone to great lengths to duplicate the recipes found at the Elephant Bar.

Would this be enough to keep you from marrying this individual?

2006-06-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

Off the top of my head.

From left to right:

Luis Figo (Portugal),
Position: Striker.
Club: Inter Milan.

RvN (Nederlands)
Postion: Striker.
Club: Manchester United.

Damarcus Beasley (USA)
Position: Midfielder
Club: Chicago Fire.

Adriano (Brasil)
Postion: Striker.
Club: Intern Milan

Park Ji Sung (S. Korea)
Position: Midfielder
Club: Manchester United.

Hmmmmmmm, no defenders.
Forwards are truly hyper-glorified within the sport.

Ze Roberto is underrated.