Brown Skin Lady.
Wednesday, April 30, 2003
Figured it out. 23 years old and I'm rebelling. Cuz I never did at 13/14. Too nice of a boy. Rebelling on the lo-lo though. I think I've gone through periods of hate, questions of my identity, thinking outside the box, and formula of opinions.
Like Jay-Z, check the repetoire:
1. Childhood of abuse and neglect
2. Adolescence of misstrust and glocks pointed at my noggin.
3. College years of confused identity.
4. Post-college depression
But I never rebelled, and this lack of rebellion has manifest depression. So I'm rebelling. How? By telling everybody I love everything. Ok, maybe not that blatant, last thing I want to be is Ned Flanders, but seriously...not a lot of things in life that I hate. Yeah I got my negative opinions on things, but really, its just a waste of energy to make somebody mad, then think about your actions, and then apologize. Just DON'T TRIP. Chris Rock said it best. "No point in being racist or sexist. You don't like white people? Your sister's gonna marry a white man. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay kid."
Rebelling, huh? 23 right? How does someone at 23 rebel? Good question. Could get a tattoo of a fist on my shoulder. Nah. Get my nipple pierced. Ouch. Experiment with drugs. Been on an ecstasy trip once, that was fun. So what now? I've been telling my kids if I don't ever teach you anything...just do me one favor. Don't use the word 'hate' around me. Either 1. Love 2. Be impartial (a fundamentally sound characteristic to have) or 3. Use the words, "dislike, despise, not a big fan of, not really feelin, not diggin...", something along those lines.
Che Guevara said it well, "At the risk of sounding ridiculous let me say that a revolutionary is guided by love."
andycat stayed in the red at 1:30 PM
Something about Primo beats that just make you feel good. Really, just gives you a good all around feeling, a natural high if you will. And really, I'm just searching for ways to acheive this natural high. Things that give me a natural high -- running, swimming, protein shakes, Primo/ Pete Rock/ Native Tongue beats, reggae, breaks, being around people who exhibit soull, good conversation with the homies. Sounds easy right? Then why the need for anti-depressants? Guess I need something else to rely on.
Common said it best: "Dealing with alcohlism and afrocentriciy/ a complex man drawn off simplicity/ reality is friskin me.
As it pertains to me: Dealing with depression and asiatic-centricity.
I feel like Doogie Howser.
andycat stayed in the red at 12:36 AM
Tuesday, April 29, 2003
So I'm scannig through my MP3's on my 5 year old P2 and run into Mariah Carey's Heartbreaker. Yeah I probably downloaded this off Scour. I remember Connor asking me during Econ 3A, how do you download MP3's?
Me: Go to Scour.net and type in 'Mobb Deep' in the search engine.
Connor: What song did you download?
Me: Shook Ones
Connor: Part 1 or Part 2
Me: 2
Anyway, back to Mariah's Heartbreaker -- running diary of how I feel about this 4min 13 sec song.
:30 -- Goddamn, DJ Clue is annoying. What's up with this whole screaming "MC!" and "DJ CLUE!" and "BREAK IT DOWN" every 5 seconds.
1:30 -- Ok, Ok I'll admit it. Chorus is catchy, Mariah uses the word incessantly. You got me coming back incessantly.
1:40 -- Whoa, Mariah uses the words euphoric and relinquish in this verse. What is this SAT prep?
2:30 -- I'm noddin my head.
3:00 -- JAY-Z! Verse is off the hook. She wanna answer the phone/ tattoo her arm/ that's when I gotta send her back to her moms. HAHAHA!
4:00 -- Clue, seriously.
So, in conclusion, JAY comes sick with it. Mariah is well, Mariah. And Clue...well let's just leave the background grunts to the innovator himself, Puff Diggity. Some of my favorite puffy-isms -- "remix", "take that, take that", "mase", "c'mon"...and the one that really puts a smile on my face, "turn me up in the headphone".
andycat stayed in the red at 1:10 PM
Monday, April 28, 2003
Two Words: DoN'T trip.
Three Words: I aiN'T trippin.
Four Words: I'm NOT really trippin.
Do you see the negative tense in addition with the verb to trip in those three sentences? Let me give you a definition.
trip
\Trip\, n. i. [imp. & p. p. Tripped; p. pr. & vb. n. Tripping.] [OE. trippen; akin to D. trippen, Dan. trippe, and E. tramp. See Tramp.] 1. To move with light, quick steps; to walk or move lightly; to skip; to move the feet nimbly; -- sometimes followed by it. See It, 5.
This horse anon began to trip and dance. --Chaucer.
Come, and trip it, as you go, On the light fantastic toe. --Milton.
She bounded by, and tripped so light They had not time to take a steady sight. --Dryden.
2. To make a brief journey or pleasure excursion; as, to trip to Europe.
3. To take a quick step, as when in danger of losing one's balance; hence, to make a false; to catch the foot; to lose footing; to stumble.
4. Fig.: To be guilty of a misstep; to commit an offense against morality, propriety, or rule; to err; to mistake; to fail. ``Till his tongue trip.'' --Locke.
I like #4. And I love my friends. Although we all have our idiosyncracies, two things remain constant. We all love. We don't trip. And like my man Puff Diggity, we ain't never gon stop. Fat lip and all.
andycat stayed in the red at 7:22 AM
Friday, April 25, 2003
I love you like a fat kid love cake.
Teasing me, just like Tisha, did Martin.
Niggaz is mad, I get more butts than ashtrays.
On a quest for love, like the Proceed Drummer.
I like my beats hard, like two-day old shit.
BURNING QUESTIONS
Is it just me or does Jon Koncak resemble Will Ferrell?
Or how about Dirk Nowitzki and the actor that played Johnny in Karate Kid?
What about the similarities between Talib Kweli and a Sea Monkey?
andycat stayed in the red at 4:28 PM
Thursday, April 24, 2003
See where it says SHOUTOUT? Leave a comment. I'd appreciate your feedback.
andycat stayed in the red at 2:15 PM
Went to Edison Field the other day to check out the indestructible machine also known as the Yankees. Are you serious with this team? Steinbrenner's credo: Spend shamelessly. Score Relentlessly. Why not? People hate on winners, but shoot, I enjoy Shaq-Like Dominance. That's all the Yankees are: a bunch of Shaquille O'neals. Every player dominates at his respective position. SORI!-SORI!-SORI!. The kid is amazing. Does he seriously have 8 homeruns as a LEADOFF hitter? Are the pitchers seriously a combined 16-0? Is Roger Clemens dominating at 40 years young? How many licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop? Man, wait till Jeter and Rivera get back.
Speaking of the great American Past Time...I find it perfectly acceptable to attend a ballgame as a first date with a female. Even if she isn't a sports fan. Grab a stiff one, eat a weiner, munch on some nuts. HAHAHAHA! Double Entendres! Gotta love it. Love it Live. NBA playoffs. Oh gosh, definitely abused my position as a Barista.
andycat stayed in the red at 1:28 PM
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
"No matter what the steez, I'm equipped." Think about that one for a sec.
andycat stayed in the red at 11:52 AM
Yeah, I got some things to get off my chest, I hope I remember them all.
In the immortal words of one, "All we really need is love". John Lennon, Che, contemporaries like Kweli -- they activism and attackin the system, but when all is preached, all we really need is love. So why is it that we still hatin? Hate is a strong mother grabbin word. People out in the east aint nothing but haters. Case in point: I was hanging out with my cousins this weekend in Vegas and we had gone to club at the top of the Rio. The band was straight funky, covering jams from Prince, Ready For The World. Yeah OK, so maybe there shirts were a little too extra medium and there eyebrows were lookin smoother than a bikini wax but hey...the jams were funky. My cousins were straight rippin on them. "I don't know how I feel about this band." "They were gay." Chill for a minute, yo. I appreciate good music when I hear it. They were rockin the crowd gettin the bachelorettes to get down and the thrity/ forty-somethings doing there best Cliff Huxtable. Fuck what you say. I like it.
Then you got people out in LA who are so damn conceited and too cool for most that there so self-absorbed to hate. Well I guess that's one good thing about arrogant people: they don't talk about others. Pet Peeve of mine: People who are the anti-christ just for the sake of contradiction. SF people always protesting. Protesting the large corporate coffee chains. "We want out coffee served...lukewarm?" Uh OK.
And then you got those who look at being healthy and intelligent as squarebiz. To quote my man Adonal Foyle, "People in the city view learning as a nerdy thing. Now what exactly is wrong with learning?" Ain't nothing wrong with eating healthy either. I think its fun. Sheesh. And I know I still got more to say but I can't remember cuz I'm too fired up at the moment. I need a protein shake.
andycat stayed in the red at 11:50 AM
Monday, April 21, 2003
Some random thoughts after a sensory-overloaded weekend.
Sometimes all you have are random thoughts after taking everything in.
Profound Quote: "TV got us reaching for stars/ Not the ones between Venus or Mars/ The ones that be reading for parts"...."Some people get breast enhancements and penis enlargers/ Saturday sinners Sunday morning at the feet of the Father"..."They need to rely on something/ They do all types of drugs"...when all we really need is love.
Why is it that when your under the influence of alcohol, things seem to really make sense.
But then I wake up, and I seem to not be liking myself.
Hate is a strong word.
Strip clubs can be real fun.
"Youre a good looking guy. I'm giving you a free lap dance."
Fists in the air/ Keep'em there.
Feeling my highs/ and my lows.
I just want to stay balanced and consistent.
Wouldn't it be fun to work at Bikini's at the RIO?
Bill Simmons answering questions about the Boston Marathon:
Q: Why is it that you can't buy most products unless they have tamper-proof packaging, but in a marathon, you eagerly accept oranges and water from complete strangers who could be raging psychopaths?
A: No Idea.
I'm seriously flattered very easily. Any girl that compliments me results in a giddy Andy Doan.
8 hours of QUALITY sleep or 8 hours of drunken-alcohol metabolising-nicotine infested lung sleep?
What more can I say, we stay building.
Character building.
andycat stayed in the red at 10:14 AM
Thursday, April 17, 2003
Ever try to get along with somebody for the sake of another person? Say your best friend has a significant other and you don't really like him/ her but you try your best to like that person just out of obligation to your best friend. I'm in a bit of a quandary like that at the moment. Actually more like 7 months. Except this isn't for the sake of a homie, its for the sake of my sister. The future brother-in-law really does mean well but I just can't seem to get to like the guy. I mean he invites me to his bachelor party and expects me, the starbucks barista to shell over $500-600 for a weekend in vegas. That's really ludacris. I'm sharing a room with 3 other people...so for two nites at most that should be $150 per person. Throw in other expensive meals, drink, some gambling money, and homeboy comes with this idea that I need $600 for 48 hours in vegas. Damn West LA I-Bankers. I guess it has to be that elaborate. I guess they need extra cheese on their Whopper.
....Meanwhile....I got relatives out from Boston throwing a bachelor party this weekend and they have invited me. They throw me a ballpark figure of $180/ person for two nites which should cover the costs of rooms plus alcohol/ food. Now, what sounds more reasonable $180 or $600???? Yeah, I'm rollin this weekend and gettin down Boston style with some cool-ass Vietnamese people.
But I still feel bad. Why can't I be excited for Bachelor Party II when I'm excited to see my relatives from Boston for BP I? Brother-in-law knows I'm going to Bachelor Party I this weekend and calls me to find out if I'm still attending Bachelor Party II in two weeks. I tell him yeah,...really...I'm just like whatevers. And it comes back to what I was talking about earlier. Obligation. For the sake of my sister.
...Starrting to get depressed.
... Feeling of guilt.
...Need Prozac...
andycat stayed in the red at 4:45 PM
Monday, April 14, 2003
You try being an Asian-American in a predominantly white community. How can I teach kids to not bully? I mean I never bullied, and was never bullied at. (Yeah, I know...not supposed to end sentences with a preposition. But I'm not getting graded.) I believed in mutual respect at an early age. Still do this day. Remember the Golden Rule? Kids would always do impressions of my moms' and dads' accents. But as an Asian-American, you're taught to be humble and to not retaliate. I never clowned Dave's Mom. She was deaf and had a funky speech impairment. But what did I do? I just let it be. Became everyone's friend. Here I am today, very secure with my social life. Very INsecure about my professional life.
Socially I've made it. Got the partying out and have the best group of reliable and down-to-earth friends a guy could ask for. (End of sentence with another preposition. Don't trip. Why? Check this out.) I have LET the partying out and have the best group of reliable and down-to-earth friends FOR WHICH a guy could ask.
BOOM! Look at the fundamentally sound technique only a Carden Education can give a man....
But I digress. Gotta get focused on my professional life. With all the complexities in this brain of mine though...that's the challenge of teaching. Academically, these children are solid. But socially, It's my time to drop some knowlege and open up some minds in these suburban children. Young, Vietnamese-American, College Grad, Carden Alumni. Do I command a ten year old's respect? I sure hope so. But can I command their staunch republican white upper-middle class parents' respect? That could possibly be another challenge down the road.
(Erin, e-mail me. adoan1@hotmail.com. I'd love to chat. Here I am as 10 years removed from CAVS and now I'm back as a substitute and possibly a teacher for the next school year. Just wanted to know what your take is all the whole Carden experience. PEACE.)
andycat stayed in the red at 10:51 PM
Sunday, April 13, 2003
I can see it...I got a vision. There's hope. 10 months since graduation and having moved back home with my parents, there's a glimmer of hope. Could I possibly afford to be financially independent? It's coming. How? Through luck, persistence, and passion. I can see myself in my apartment during a typical day. Wake up at 6:00. Shower, eat protein shake, and take the necessary steps to prepare for work. Get to work and spread my knowlege enthusiastically and passionately. Come home and chill for a minute. Hit the gym/ pool/ track/ -- hard. Make a healthy dinner while bobbin my head to the beats. Drink a beer. Prepare for tommorow. Get 8 hours of sleep. Wake up and do it again. I got hope.
andycat stayed in the red at 2:31 PM
Thursday, April 10, 2003
You ever go through phases of foods that you can't get enough of? For instance, you could probably go a week with just eating Pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then you would get sick of it and not eat it again for another two months. Same goes for Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches. Right now, I'm in the Loco Moco phase -- and for those not in the know, Loco Moco is a Hawaiian Staple -- hamburger patty, egg, and rice smothered in gravy. Not exactly approved by the American Heart Association...but being the health nut I am, I made it with a turkey patty, egg whites, brown rice, and fat free gravy. Say what you want about obsessiveness but hey, at least I don't look like you. Like Dead Prez, true wealth come from good health.
andycat stayed in the red at 12:56 PM
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
Headexercise -- LIFESAVAS. Download it. I've definitely slept on this group. Catchy lyrics, positive beats -- true school style, it's on some type ill ish. I saw them open for Kweli about a year ago, didn't think they were all that tight, but that's just cuz I had never heard of them. Guess I was wrong, didn't know Portland Hip-hop could be so innovative. I know you noddin your head, cuz I can see you.
andycat stayed in the red at 10:40 AM
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
Yowzas. Starbucks gone wild. Did I seriously see my co-workers breasts last nite in a jacuzzi while in a drunken stupor with other fellow Starbucks partners? Another guy I was with said the funniest thing about her breasts, "She has a nice nipple to areola ratio." I thought that was very clever. Still smiling about it right now.
andycat stayed in the red at 4:47 PM
Sunday, April 06, 2003
Ann really is a sweetheart. Funny, pretty face, nice body, cool, calm, collected, just a really awesome person. It's just that we're at two different stages in our lives...Me, being the college graduate who's confused and really just trying to focus on his career. While she hasn't even turned 21 yet and is just still wanting to go out, get loaded, and have fun. And there's nothing wrong with partying, I encourage it. OK, enough with the bullshit. Bottom line is that I'm not mentally nor physically ready to be in a relationship. Mentally meaning that, uhh HELLO?...I take prozac, nuff said. And by physically I mean, that committed relationships really need devotion, dedication, and time which I'm not too sure I can handle when I'm trying to figure out my own issues. It was a good run though...nothing but laughs and good times. You know when you break up with someone, all you can think of is all the negatives about that other person...Well, they're really are only positives with Ann. It really was me, and not her...and that cliche holds true in this particular circumstance.
andycat stayed in the red at 10:33 PM
Saturday, April 05, 2003
Okay, I've heard women say that if they lay eyes on a guy who is reasonably handsome but dumb things start spittin out of his mouth, he is no longer attractive. Well you know what? It goes both ways. I work with this very pretty girl. Yeah, she's cute. I'd make out with her. But damn, you try to have a conversation with this girl and all that comes out of her mouth is I this...and I that...and I'm this way...and I'm not that way...I, I, I. Shut up already. I get the point -- you're cool cuz you shop exclusively at thrift shops. Don't need to go and define why thrifts shops make you the person you are today. Man...so pretty...yet so ignorant.
andycat stayed in the red at 6:17 PM
Friday, April 04, 2003
So I'm watching Michael Jackson's greatest video hits that my dad bought on DVD. He was disappointed when he turned it on and saw the videos for Billy Jean and The Way You Make Me Feel. He thought the DVD was Michael Jackson Live in Concert -- if they even make such a thing. I guess honest mistake. I know the cover of the DVD is explicitly titled, "Michael Jackson's Greatest Videos"...but if I was a Vietnamese Political Refugee who left his country for political reasons and not personal reasons in 1975 and came to America when MTV wasn't even born yet then I guess I wouldn't know what a "Video" would be in 2003. FOB? Yeah, definitely some instances. But I find it strange that for a person who says, "Andy, your mother can be very meticulous" doesn't know what a "Video" is. Do you see the inconsistencies?
andycat stayed in the red at 10:09 PM
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
Zucchini is sooooo good. Especially when it's fried. I think i just ate a whole pound of fried zucchini. Zucchini is really good for you. Full of vitamin A. But I'm guessing all the nutrients are eradicated once its put in a vat full of oil. Oh gosh, I just ate at an burger joint that served a 4x4 -- that is four hamburger patties and four slices of cheese. Four! What? Is that each patty for each chamber of your heart??? Sheesh, I need some alka-seltzer.
andycat stayed in the red at 1:50 PM
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
Yeah man, I'm an official substitute teacher for Carden Arbor View School now. Good, I can use the 100$/ day. Man I was so excited, I farted in my pants. Then the depression hits. Goddamn moodswings...I had such a major one today. Not a day goes by where I don't think about this horrible illness inflicted upon millions of Americans. But I think I take it all in stride, even to the point where I think depression gives me character. I start laughing thinking to myself what a fuck up I am. What defines me = whatever the hell is going on in my brain. Wellbutrin is prescribed for adults with ADD. I always knew I had some kind of mental disorder with my randomness. Focus Man.
andycat stayed in the red at 6:06 PM
ESPN
Cicely
Daily Nexus
Sneak Move
Dodger Blues
LA Times
Food Network
Growth
AIM: ANDYDOAN1
E-Mail: adoan1@hotmail.com
Decay
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