Brown Skin Lady


Brown Skin Lady. Tuesday, July 29, 2003 Oh god. Did I have a 15 hour work day on Monday that started at 7:30AM and ended at 10:30PM? Did my junior high buddies seriously call me at 11PM last night to go drinking? Did I refuse? Am I a pushover? Was I bitchy drunk off Merlot at 12AM? Did I buy a plane ticket to Vegas at 12:05AM for 8/4/2003 at 6:20PM? Was I convinced to go to Vegas at 12:10AM, 5 minutes after purchasing a plane ticket to Vegas for the next week? Were we really on the road by 1AM? Was my body pumped with 4 RedBulls and 2 RockStars after touching ground at the Bellagio at 4:30AM? Was I down $100 by 5:00AM? Did I call into work sick at 6:30AM? Had I really seen daylight twice in one day at 6:35AM? Was it already 95 degrees in Vegas at 6:40AM Was I walking the strip with a Coors Light Can in my hand at 7AM? Was I double fisting it with a Sam Adams in the other hand? Did I use my partner discount at a Starbucks espresso and alcohol bar at 7:30 AM? Was my order a Grande Ketel One/ Kahlua Traditional Coffee at 7:35AM? Were we at the Blackjack Table at MGM at 8AM? Did I slap hands with Spike Lee at 8:05AM? Was I down another $100 at 8:30AM? Had I been up for 29 hours straight at 9:00AM? Did I want to go home? Did we? Were my buddies taking out cash advances on their credit cards at 10:00AM? Did I wander about aimlessy in a drunken/ sleep-deprived stupor around MGM from 10:00AM-11:00AM? Had all four of us lost our all our money by 11:30AM? Did we find ourselves at the Tropicana Pool at 11:45AM? Was the temperature 110 degrees? Was this scene all too reminiscent of an ecstacy infested Memorial Day 2002 weekend? Was I underneath the waterfall in my boxer briefs at 12:00 Noon? Was Taco Bell on the menu at 12:30PM? Is there really such a thing as a Mexican Pizza? Were we on the road home at 1:00PM? Was there really 1 lane of traffic due to construction? Were we really only at State Line at 3:00PM? Had we really only traveled 40 miles in 2 hours? Did I call into other work sick at 3:30PM? Did I finally reach Destination, Land of Up at 5:30PM? Am I actually writing these words right now? Am I delirious? Do you think my body can handle any more? YES. andycat stayed in the red at 10:09 PM Monday, July 28, 2003 RANDOM THOUGHTS: Industry Rule #4080: Never ask a girlfriend about how many guys she's slept with. Why? 1) She'll lie. 2) She'll tell you the truth and it'll be a number so outrageous that you'll look at her once angelic persona and say to yourself, "HOLY SMOKES! This broad's the devil!" I've been surrounded by weak bladders, runny noses, raging hormones, and criminal-minded children in the past 5 weeks. Fine. I'm not bothered by it. It goes with the territory. What I am bothered by is, the wack cartoons children are watching these days. Yu-Gi-Oh? Poke'mon? Spongebob Square Pants? Leonardo could kick Spongbob square in the pants. Some Weapons of Mass Destruction: Leonardo -- Kitana Blades Michaelangelo -- Nunchucks Raphael -- Sai Donatello -- Bo On the subject of cartoons, remember U.S. acres? It was a Jim Davis cartoon that came on right after Garfield. Among the characters: Orson, the smart pig. Roy, the cocky rooster. Wade, the duck who was always afraid. Sheldon, the egg that had two legs and would never hatch. Lanolin, the bitchy female sheep. Bo, the cool california-surfer sheep dude. And Booker, the little chick that was always trying to catch a worm. Classic. Would you rather have your kid be the bully or the one that gets his ass kicked everyday. I'd rather have the bully. At least when I dropped him off in the morning, I wouldn't have to worry all day if he's gonna come home with a shoe up his butt. With the bully, I could say, "Yeah, you're a bad kids, don't do that again." But with the a little wuss, I would have to worry about him all day. Lunch time is over. andycat stayed in the red at 12:42 PM Saturday, July 26, 2003 I still can't get over this whole $4 Million Kobe Bryant Ring Thing. Question to all ladies out there who read this here blog of mine: If your boyfriend/ husband cheated on you by having sex with another girl while out of town on "business", and then tried to win back your love by crying and tellin you how much he loves you and then goes out and buys a $4 Million Dollar Rare Purple Diamond Ring, would you forgive him? Four Million Dollars. $4 Million. $4,000,000. Looks very appealing anyway you write it. Sometime I save money at In-N-Out by opting for the hamburger instead of the cheeseburger. I save $0.15! If I had 4 Mil, I'd probably treat myself to cheese. andycat stayed in the red at 9:58 AM Thursday, July 24, 2003 Kobe bought his wife a $4,000,000 ring. In high school, I once bought lunch for a girl. And the Bitch had the nerve to super-size. andycat stayed in the red at 12:36 PM Wednesday, July 23, 2003 COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT. New comment system. Klinkfamily was problematic. andycat stayed in the red at 6:00 PM Monday, July 21, 2003 Let me set the scene for yall. It was recess. There's two eleven year olds in my computer class. Sharbanou, a persian girl, who sports a short layered haircut and wears faded jeans, those gothic belts with metal from Hot Topic, and platform shoes. Kleshie, a black girl with a weave, who walks around with an aura of haughtiness. They started clowning my walk -- "Mr. Doan, why do you walk like this?" They started start walking with these long, slow, and loping strides. Then it was my style -- "Why do roll up the sleeves on your shirt?" (The sleeves on my Project Think shirt are little to big on me). The girls rolled up there sleeves and started strutting around. On to my arms -- "Do you really have to show off your muscles?" Two little girls, with rolled up sleeves, walking with a lengthened stride, shoulders swagerring from front to back, and biceps flexed. Then the punchline -- "Wha? Do you think your cool or something?" So that got me thinking. What constitutes cool? Samuel L. Jackson. Cool. Maxim. Cool. Mos Def. Cool. Brad Pitt. Cool. Playboy. Cool. Pele. Fuckin Cool. Connor . Cool like the other side of the pillow. Dave Weiner. Cool like that. Josh Weiner. Flat-out cool. Chad J. Toothy cool. Daven Bhavsar. Perpetually Cool. Carlos DeCastro. Effortlessly Cool. Andy Doan. Essence of Cool. I did my research, and these are the five (5) factors of cool: 1. Self-belief and confidence: Sense of internal control; self-acceptance. 2. Defiance of convention: Forging one’s individual path; unique sense of style. 3. Understated achievement: Achieve success; handle it in an understated manner. 4. Care for others: Having a strong inner-self; respect and care for others; being non-judgemental and broadminded. 5. Energy and sociability: Pursue life ‘full-on’; being sociable, energetic and living life to the full. After all the clowning from the bratty girls, my response: A chuckle followed by a slight grin. Tadow! How you like me now? andycat stayed in the red at 10:03 PM As cool as most of you think I am, here's a list of ladies that have dissed me since 8th grade. 8th grade: Faye. She was cute. I went to a summer program where I met her in my Algebra Class. We had an end of school dance and as I finally got the nerve to ask her to dance, she said she just wanted to dance with her girlfriends. Guess she wasn't feelin the one-strap overall with the cross colours hooded t-shirt. 9th grade: Pei-ying Lee. She was one of the first girls I laid eyes upon in high school. She had trouble written all over her from the start. She'd be flirting with every guy within a crop circle's radius. I tried to dance with her at the beginning of school dance. She just moved on to the guy next to me. 10th grade: Allison Hong. We had been flirting. Getting along real well. Then the line went something like this. Me: You're so cute. Can I kiss you? Allison: Uh, you don't ever ask a girl if you can kiss her. You just do or don't. You just ruined the moment. No, you can't kiss me. 11th grade: Jennifer Lee. Jen was my first girlfriend. It was nearing Prom time when I was chillin in her room one afternoon after school. She went to the bathroom and I found a note she had written to another guy on her desk. I asked her about it a few days later. She denied it. I told her I went snooping through her stuff so she didn't need to lie. We broke up. I never went to Prom. She ended up going with the note guy. (It was a white guy too.) 12th grade: Sophoan En. Homegirl was from Cambodia. Her dad owned a donut shop. I met her at the mall when I was valet parking. She worked at a purse stand inside the mall. I got the nerve to ask her out. She happily obliged. She was smoking too (as in smokin hott). I remember she'd catch me staring at her boobs. They were nice. After a few dates, she dropped me for her ex. I think I came on to strong. Or maybe, I just had too many conversations with her breasts. Fr./ UCSB: Tricia Evangelista. The only girl I've ever truly been in love with. She made me cry a couple times though. We got into this big fight over her joining a sorority. I kicked her shoes. She smacked me. Then proceeded to rip all her pictures of us off her corkboard in Santa Rosa. Told me, "It's over!" So./ UCSB: Maria Ablaza. Tricia and Maria were friends. I always thought Maria was cute when I was dating Tricia. She had a nice rack for such a small girl. We ended up getting drunk together about 2 weeks after Tricia and I had broken up. We ended up getting naked at her place. I was a naive 19-year old who happen to fall in love with every girl after making out with her. So I thought Maria and I would be dating when she told me, Andy...it was just a one-time thing. Ju./UCSB: Well Maria and I ended up going out. She was psycho. She would put this death grip on me, when I would try to leave after breaking up with her. Then she'd cry so hard. It was like her urethra would somehow position itself in her face as it looked like she was peeing out of her eyes. When I finally broke up with her, I had to break free from the death grip and litterally sprint to my own getaway car. I had the keys in the ignition ready to go. No joke. I guess I kicked her ghetto booty to the curb. Sen./ UCSB: There was Jessica Chong. We should've hooked up. I never capitalized on the opportunity when we were studying in my room one day and she invited herself to take a nap in my bed. I continued to study. 5 minutes later, she looked up at me and ask, "what are you doing?" Translation: Let's get naked. But I was ignorant, and seriously...I really needed to study. I just said," I'm working on this Econn 183 assignment that's do in a few days and I really need to do some market research on hotels in the Lake Tahoe Area. You can keep sleeping though. I don't mind." Oh man, I'm still kicking myself for that one. Every time I saw her afterwards she just kinda brushed me off. Professional Senior/ UCSB: Jen Gellman. The Asian Jew. We were studying one nite in her room till real late. She ended up crawling into her bed. I invited myself in. She asked me, "What are you doing?" And then she kick me out. I was 22. So here I am on the cusp of 23/24 and I look back on all these instances with some laughter. I really don't trip over girls these days like I used...but I think that's attributed to all the other issues going on in my life: Career, Anti-depressants, Family, Ethnic Identity, Living in White Trash Neighborhood, Debt, This cauliflower-like growth on my penile core...I mean, nevermind. Its weird cuz I used to get all nervous around girls that I thought were pretty. Now I could care less. The dichotomy of women is intriguing. Girls can really fuck with a man's senses. Hot Girl = Trouble. Hot Girl = I can't think straight. Hot Girl = Evil. Hot girl = Nothing make a man feel better than a woman. Hot girl = Able to crush a man's ego. Hot Girl = Teasing me, just like Tisha did Martin. Hot Girl = Alfred Hitchhock Psycho. Hot Girl = "Should I just step back, or come harder?" Hot Girl = ? But when it comes down to it: Honey check it out, you got me mesmerized/ Look at your black hair and your fat-ass thighs..... andycat stayed in the red at 12:42 AM Saturday, July 19, 2003 It has been a while. I've been working like filipinos do in sweatshops. This here brain of mine is on autopilot. Thoughts on some current news: In the wake of the tragedy out in San Mo, there has been debate about elderly drivers. How old is too old to drive? I don't think its necessarily problem with the elderly, although the elderly do have slower reflexes and what not. It's just that some people can't drive. I'm sure there's 90 year olds out there who can work the pedal with conviction. There's also people my age who are so paranoid about cops that they think there gonna get a ticket if there hands move briefly from the 10 and 2 position, causing them to drive without any type of confidence. So...to combat these ignorant drives, I say make the driving test insanely difficult -- 1. Everybody needs to drive a manual transmission. That's stick shift for you idiot drivers out there. 2. You need to be able to talk on a cell phone and drive simultaneously. On the test, the driver needs to call his mom and tell her that he loves her. 3. You need to be able to eat while driving. Have the driver pull through In-N-Out, order some fries, open a packet of ketchup, squeeze the ketchup on to the fries and proceed to nosh away. 4. Parallel Park your manual transmission car, on a downward slope. 5. Light a cigarette/ eat a burrito, drive a stick, and talk on the cell phone all at the same time. 6. Beat a train through the crossing guards. 7. You should be able to scroll through your CD's and drive at the same time. Only a select few would pass a test this hard. Those select few deserve to drive. andycat stayed in the red at 8:20 AM Friday, July 11, 2003 Anybody read this headline that San Francisco is the fastest shrinking city in the U.S. with populations over 100,000? And in an article related to this one, the press talked about the fastest growing cities, citing that western suburbs lead the pack. No Joke. To quote: "Three Los Angeles suburbs — Irvine, Fontana and Rancho Cucamonga — were also among the 10 fastest-growing cities, as well as the San Diego suburb of Chula Vista. Growth in these areas was mainly spurred by the availability of more affordable homes and cheaper cost of living, said Hans Johnson, a demographer with the Public Policy Institute of California." I live at the border of Upland/ Rancho Cucamonga. I'm telling you...the 909 is the place to be. Upland is the new Silicon Valley. You gotta dollar? The time to invest is now. andycat stayed in the red at 2:23 PM Thursday, July 10, 2003 It is hot. It is balls sticking to my crotch hot. andycat stayed in the red at 10:57 AM Wednesday, July 09, 2003 I have a zit inside my nose. I have a lot of nostril hair. Wonder if an ingrown hair inside my nostril has caused this zit to form. It hurts. andycat stayed in the red at 2:41 PM Tuesday, July 08, 2003 Its official, Gary Payton is my favorite player of all time. Words cannot describe the euphoria I am feeling at this moment for my beloved Lakers. Oh, and Kobe didn't do it. Shaq is eating fruit salads. D-Fish brings the intensity off the bench. Rick Fox will sit on the bench and look pretty. Luke Walton becomes the crowd favorite. And now your Starting Five: Gary Payton, Kobe Bryant, Karl Malone, Shaquille O'neal, and Devean George? All we need is a shooter now. **Sending Telepathic Messages to Mitch Kupchak** Sign Piatkowski. Sign Piatkowski. Sign Piatkwoski.**** andycat stayed in the red at 2:57 PM There's a filter in my computer lab to prevent the kids from going to certain inappropriate websites. If they happen to stumble on an inappropriate website, the filter will appear and ask for adult approval if they wish to continue. The filter will also give details as to why the child can not log on to the site -- such as sexual content, foul language, violence, etc.... This site is considered inappropriate...and here are the details why: IGDRS has rated this content as follows: * Profanity: Mature content appropriate for adults. The offending language includes: * Goddamn * Redneck * shit * ass * drag queen * white trash * ass-whooping * hooker * bitches * fuck you * muthfucka There are 8 years olds sitting next to me as I write this right now. andycat stayed in the red at 9:40 AM Sunday, July 06, 2003 I just bought 1 lb. of Roast Beef from the Albertsons Deli, a bottle of French's brown mustard, a loaf of Sara Lee Honey Wheat bread, and Deli Sliced Pepper Jack Cheese. These are quality ingredients that create a quality sandwich. Total Cost = 12.50. Hopefully I can get about 4-6 Sandwiches out of those ingredients which equates to about $2.70 - $3.10 per sandwich. I will have enough leftover mustard, bread, and cheese after the pound of roast beef runs out to make another 4-6 sanwiches. But now, I'd only have to buy the 1 lb. of roast beef which cost $6.00. So really thats 8-12 sanwiches for about $18.00 after all ingredients are finished. This equates to $1.50 - $2.25 per sandwich. Lets say I eat 1 sandwich a day for lunch. That means I'm spending $1.50 for lunch for 12 days. Actually I'll eat a piece of fruit for lunch, but fruit is cheap so lets add another $0.10 for the banana, orange, or apple I will be eating. And all I drink is water which is pretty much free. This equal $1.60 per lunch for 12 days. Total cost for 12 days of lunch = $19.20. If I were to eat out for lunch, I'd probably spend an average of $5. 12 lunches @ $5 = $60.00. The percent increase from making my own lunch to eating out is 150%. I don't even want to tell you how long it took me to do all those calculations but I've come to the conclusion that I'm gonna start making my own lunch. Why????....Money Saved on Lunch = More Money to Spend on Alcohol. Definitely some contradictions there. I'll spend $8.00 on a frivolous empty-caloried Goose Tonic without any hesitation, while I overanalyze a nutritious and delicious Roast Beef sandwich to its crust. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I can't stand Karl Malone. Goddamn African American Redneck that drives an 18 wheeler who played the part of "Pick" to Stockton's "Roll". Remember during the '97 and '98 playoffs when the Jazz eliminated the Lakers??? That was the apex of my hatred for the Jazz. Which then escalated into my hatred for Mormons in Utah. Which then escalated to all Mormons. I wanted to walk up to every single Mormon I knew with a cigarette in my hand just to torment them and see the expression of sheer horror on their faces. Never been a Gary Payton fan either. Goddamn fast piece of shit who resembles DMX. If these two join the Lakers........They could be my favorite two athletes of all time in any sport. But if they don't there's always P.J. Brown, Juwan Howard, even Elden Campbell. All upgrades at the 4 if you ask me. Karl Malone is probably the best, but just like a girl's ass when I'm drunk, anyone will do. andycat stayed in the red at 10:51 AM Friday, July 04, 2003 ...I KNOW THAT SHIT IS TRAGIC SON... I'll admit it. I got favorites in my classroom. I like the smart kids that don't give me attitude and do as their told. Jack Shih, Krystal Chwa, Angela Louh, Jeffrey Hong. Coincidence that those are all Asian kids? Nope. I'm closest to these students and they're drawn to me. I'm the cool young teacher whose eyes resemble theirs. I love Asian kids. Obedient, respectful of my authority. I just hope they break out of their social ineptness. There is no such thing as a teacher who doesn't have favorites. There is no equality in my classroom. Good Students = Cool Mr. Doan. Bad Students = "Hey, Timmy! Run up to the office and get me a donut!" And then when he comes back with my donut, I tell him I don't want it anymore. How gangsta is that? ...YA DIG??? 'SHO NUFF... andycat stayed in the red at 12:09 PM Wednesday, July 02, 2003 Time to get my doooogie on. The freak show -- there are instances of it in my everyday life. I was doing some lesson plans at a Coffee Shop (insert your own sarcastic humor here) and I saw a dude walking around like he had to really take a shit. Turns out the dude is a drag queen, but I guess his gayness wasn't in full effect on a Tuesday night in San Dimas, CA home of Raging Waters where the 10, 57 and 210 meet. Other Freak Shows: Hollywood/ Sunset Blvds where people walk around with vegetation on their heads. Club Utopia in Vegas. Utopia, n., an ideally perfect place especially in its social, political, and moral aspects. Nothing morally perfect about that place. Should've been called Club Freak Show. Weeknights at LA Fitness. One too many juiced-up females with silicone in the wrong places up in this piece. The 909. Upland and Claremont separate the LA/ San Bernardino County Line. Upland is San Bernardino County. The further east you go, the more white trash, I mean freak show it gets. My bedroom. Nuff Said. andycat stayed in the red at 12:27 AM Tuesday, July 01, 2003 Kids really got nothing going for them. Their life revolves around video games. I mean video games were huge in my generation, what with 16-bit Super NES being cutting edge. HA-DOU-KEN! But still, we went outside when video games got boring. We rode our bikes. Threw the football around. Played a little 21. These kids now???? COT DAMN! Get outside fat-ass. Beaver face. Snot head. Play some sports, be an athlete. Sheesh. andycat stayed in the red at 7:07 PM	Exponential ESPN Cicely Daily Nexus Sneak Move Dodger Blues LA Times Food Network Growth AIM: ANDYDOAN1 E-Mail: adoan1@hotmail.com Decay 03.03 04.03 05.03 06.03 07.03 08.03 09.03 10.03 11.03 12.03 01.04 02.04 03.04 04.04 05.04 06.04 07.04 08.04 09.04 10.04 11.04 12.04 01.05 02.05 03.05 04.05 05.05 06.05 07.05 08.05 09.05 10.05 11.05 12.05 01.06 02.06 03.06 04.06 05.06 06.06 07.06 08.06 09.06 10.06 11.06 12.06 01.07 02.07 03.07 04.07 05.07 10.07 11.07 12.07 06.08