Brown Skin Lady


Brown Skin Lady. Sunday, November 30, 2003 Thanksgiving 2003 in the Bay Area. Always a fun time. I'm thankful for my friends. My memory seems to not be as crisp as it once was so forgive me if some of you are misquoted. I'm bringing pen and paper during the next trip. And remind me to change the year on my camera. Without further ado...Quotacious Quotes from off the top: "I don't have a car so we're taking the bus to the BART." -- Matt, during an IM conversation telling me the mode of transportation to "pick me up" at the airport. "When you travel, all inhibitions are loose and you don't worry about the money you spend." -- My justification on why I should travel more. "You need a Beanie?" -- Matt, on my gear or lack thereof during the bike ride across the Golden Gate. It was raining. "Nah. I'ma sweat if off anyway." -- Me, bustin into savage mode. "Three hours ago, I was making coffee." -- Me, after trekking on a Marin Hybrid and completing the Urban San Francisco Adventure. "Be there around 10 till 6."--Connor, giving an ETA for dinner at CHA CHA CHAS "Hey Andy, it's 6."--Matt, waking me up from our nap. We had both worked at 4AM on Friday Morning. "During the rehearsal dinner at my brother's wedding we had to be there at 7. All the Americans showed up at 7. The Brazilians? They came at 7:15, 7:30. 8:30, 9:00. Some were showing up around 10:15 when it was over."--Matt, comparing American sense of time to Brazilian punctuality. "That shower can't make up its mind."--Me, describing the fickle water temperature in Matt's shower which ranged from ice cold to nuclear. "At some point you just have to suck it up."--Matt, on my whining about fickle water temperature. "We are freshman in adulthood. Women want guys with money and job security" -- Matt, reasoning why it's hard to meet women at this stage in life. "The last time I saw you, I fed you Pioneer Chicken." -- Me, reminiscing about the last time I saw Jenn. "That was the last time I barfed." -- Jenn, on the consequences of consuming Pioneer Chicken. "Dave's got all the rest stops mapped out for you on the trip back" -- Josh, on Dave's plans for recreation on our drive back to LA. "I'm mad that only Baruti and I are showing love to your blog." -- Max, discussing the lack of support for my site. "Something with a beach and Mexico" -- Matt, on his plans after daytrading. "You loved her." -- Everybody, on my fascination with the female server who had alot of hair. "Girls that wear head gear?...HOTT." -- Me, describing my preferences for female style. "Not braces, right?" -- Matt, confused about the term 'head gear'. "She was cute. She had all her teeth." -- Matt Doherty, describing the girl he went on a date with. "I've cleansed and purified my body for 6 weeks by choosing not to drink." -- Baruti, before he went on the binge. "Its all over now." -- Baruti. "Positive Energy." -- Connor, describing Josh's attitude. "She likes to get hammered and she hangs out with dykes. That's good for a Weiner." -- Connor, describing Beth, Josh's "friend". "He's got it all figured out." --Matt, on Josh's choice of women. "I was in class for 15 minutes and asked myself, 'Why am I here?'" -- Baruti, discussing grad school. "My goal in Europe is to kiss a European at the stroke of midnight on New Years. It will be all worth it." Baruti, romanticizing his upcoming trip to Europe. "Andy! Get over here. I know you'll drink anything!" Dave, calling me over for a shot of underberg which tasted like Jaeger x 5. "This is my boy from college." -- Connor, introducing me to a friend. Was it that long ago? "$35.46" -- Cost of the cab ride all around the city of San Francisco before finally stopping at destination 1024 Greenwich. "Hey Connor. What do you think the #1 rap song of all time is? I think it's Ambitionz of a Rida, Tupac. Just a hunch though." -- Matt, after we heard Ambitionz of a Rida, Tupac on 106.1 KMEL as the #1 rap song of all time but before we had picked up Connor. "I like 50 cent. The beat for In Da Club is sick. Jay-Z is my favorite rapper to quote" -- Baruti, on the state of hip-hop. "I can still taste the dolphins that were caught in the net." -- Connor, describing the freshness of the salmon his mom cooked for us. "Women like spontaneity." -- Me, describing what women want to Connor's mom. "You have to establish the relationship first." -- Connor's Mom. "Where have I met this guy?" -- Me, after UC Davis Guard, Gus told me that he recognized me. "The headband is a double-edged sword. Because if your tight, then nobody can say anything." -- Matt, on basketball players who wear headbands. "How'd you get to Mike Tyson already?" -- Matt, walking in on a game of me playing Mike Tyson's Punchout. "007 373 5963" -- Me, telling the Matt the code to get to Mike Tyson. "What if right now, we just ate everything we ate yesterday." -- Connor, on the morning after a night of binge-eating. "The best investment I made this weekend were my new wiper blades." --Dave, talking about how awesome brand new wiper blades are. "Wiper blades are in the top 10 for instant gratification." --Connor, giving his take on new wiper blades. "No. Have you?" -- Dave, answer my question if he had ever had road head. "A few times." --My response. Thats a good way to end this. Good times....Good times. andycat stayed in the red at 11:46 PM Wednesday, November 26, 2003 I remember my mom would slaughter ducks in our garage when I was a kid. She would pluck it, and then chop it's neck. Truly third world. Absolutely horrifying. Birds can still walk around for a few seconds after they've been killed. Something about how their nerves are still spazzin out after they die. This picture reminded me of that one particular duck who felt the wrath of mom's cleaver but still managed to strut around, with its head dragging on the floor hanging by the skin of its neck. While most adults my age have childhood memories of struggling to make the straw fit in the Capri-Sun pouch hole and that cheese and cracker package with the red plastic stick to spread the cheese on (what were those called)... I have memories about headless ducks. andycat stayed in the red at 10:09 AM Monday, November 24, 2003 I like TV. I really do. ESPN and Fox Sports Net are some quality stations. Food network is a solid default station. Discovery channel is always good when there's a crowd gathered in your living room because people are usually entertained by the Emperor Penguin. Reality shows offer a daily escape from reality. 24 hour news channels keep you informed about politics. But its called television programming for a reason. And people watch way too much TV which has programmed them into these computerized robots trained to laugh and think like a sitcom. Sitcom Joke: "I would tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. LOL. (Onomatopoeia. First one to tell me what that word means wins a prize.) Shutdafuccup. That's not funny. But people think its funny. Because it was said on their favorite episode of Will and Grace. Not saying I don't watch Television. I have guility pleasures too. I think Friends is a funny show. But there's other influences out there too. Music, literature, and film are all presented in artistic context open for individual interprentation whereas television has got us programmed to talk about nonsense. I heard some girls at the gym today talking about Britney's Boobs and Michael Jackson's chimpanzee. They were talking about how Michael Jackson's current situation would become the "Trial of the Centruy." Wait a sec..I thought OJ was the trial of the century. Trial of the century? Ever heard of Nuremberg? That's right, you don't read. You're programmed. What a dope. (Dope as in ignorant fool. Not dope as in good. Not dope as in weed.) andycat stayed in the red at 11:23 PM Saturday, November 22, 2003 Got the whole weekend off. And what do I have planned? ............................. I need to sleep. Feeling anxious. Drastic times call for drastic measures. This is a mission. Not a small time thing. O god. Here goes. NyQuil Shot. Original Flavor. Death Green. Big N. Little y. Big FUKIN Q. I believe I'm quoting Denis Leary. Seven foot turkeys. They're coming. Head's starting to spin. Vision is blurred. Sitting alone in a four-cornered room, staring at candles. Oh this shit is on? Ready for a Critical beatdown? Kool Keith is whoa. Like Whoa. Might not blog for a few days. Need to recover from the NyQuil Coma. Watching the Lakers-Knicks game the other night. Tripped me out when I saw, Karl Malone, Bryon Russel, Shandon Anderson, and Howard Eisley all on the floor at the same time. In case you haven't head, the Jazz are w/o Stockton and Malone. But are the Nuggets really 7-5? Wish Antonio McDyess was still a Nugget. Just so I can here Stuard Scott call him Antonio McNugget. I do like it when he says, "Tom to the Izzo." That makes me LOL everytime I hear it. Yes yes yall. And ya don't stop. I am a dymanic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice w/ my bare hands. Nyquil + Ultramagnectic MC's + Blogger = Funky Incoherence. andycat stayed in the red at 1:27 AM Thursday, November 20, 2003 My mom asked me to make her a CD for the Salon. I said, ok...who do you want? "Shen Den." ?Que? "Shien Den." ?Como? "Shee-in. Dee-in!" What the heck kinda jibberish be spittin out yo grill, wacky Asian Lady? "I want Shee-in. Dee-in! My customers like Shee-in Dee-in. I don't want a rap." Oh...okay. You want Celine Dion. And you don't want rap. (Which by the way, is a whole genre of music and cannot be precluded with the indefinite article "a" as rap is not a singular term.) I thought that exchange needed to be mentioned on this here blog of mine. It made me laugh. Out loud. LOL. And speaking of a rap. I bought the new Jay-Z, Black album. He's got a joint here called Moment of Clarity. Track 8 I believe. Peep the lyrics: I dumbed down for my audience to double my dollars They criticized me for it yet they all yell "HOLLA!" If skills sold, truth be told, I'd probably be lyrically, Talib Kweli Truthfully I wanna rhyme like Common Sense But I did five mill' - I ain't been rhymin like Common since When your cents got that much in common And you been hustlin since, your inception Fuck perception go with what makes sense.< And that's why I have this fascination w/ Jigga. I'm sure he's a backpacker at heart but he openly admits that he watered down his lyrics for the scrilla. His fan base probably gonna go check out some Kweli and Cornbread Com albums now that he shouted them out on this track. And all them heads out there probably gonna go check out Jay's album now. Great marketing. That's some serious mass appeal when you can cater to all fans/ consumers of hip hop. Jay-Z is THE shit. Now if you're going for content, he's not a Nas, or a Kweli. He doesn't bring the intensity like 2pac. But Jay-Z is a master word flipper, kind of like Biggie. I don't need deep profound thought every single minute of my life. Tomfoolery is underrated. Keeps me on my toes and out of my head. Because you all know Andycat's mind be spinning like spree wheels. andycat stayed in the red at 8:39 AM Wednesday, November 19, 2003 There's this guy I work with who is obsessed with working out. Buys fitness magazines, watches Pumping Iron on his breaks, and talks about supplements. Talkin bout, "When are we going running, Andy?" "I'll hit you up after. What do you say, 5K maybe?" "Uhhh...I might me busy. I have a paper to write." "No stress dude, we can run anytime." Ironic that five months after working with the guy, I have yet to lace my Air Sunders up, rock the Underarmour gear, and take to the Claremont McKenna Track. You see, the guy's fat. He's never worked out consistently in his life, but has this mental image of what he wants to look like. That's cool. But if you're gonna talk the talk, gotta the walk the walk. (Don't you hate how cliches are formed on some basis of truth?) I would have more respect for the guy if he just stayed pleasantly plump. Or if he would just say, "Andy, you go running right? We should go sometime. I'm not trying to race or anything. Let's just jog." But no, instead there's...I can bench XXXXX lbs, I can squat XXXXXX lbs, I am X% bodyfat. A little Haiku for You: "Let's go run." But you hesistate. Stay off Wendy's, and lay off them shakes. You're fat. Working out is not something you can lie about. I mean the truth to the pompous statements are right in front my eyes. Things I can lie about: I am an connosieur of lactose free milk, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Bolivia. I sleep two hours a night, and I do it standing up. I STOP trains dead in their tracks, DROP beats off my dat, AND ROLL blunts that are fat. What a goober. andycat stayed in the red at 10:13 AM Tuesday, November 18, 2003 Soul -- The animating and vital principle in humans, credited with the faculties of thought, action, and emotion and often conceived as an immaterial entity. Faculties of thought. I like that. But not common thought. Not MTV thought. Not Sitcom thought. Not Power 106 thought. More like profound thought. Creative thought. I invite you to check out BINDERPAPER. Link is on the right. Much love to Connor for having the genius to mastermind a public access into the minds of those with creative thought. (This is why I love the Internet. Communication is instantly accessible. Got friends all over the North and South America, yet I'm still diggin your style XX,XXX miles away.) Why do I keep a website? It's this natural instinct to constantly create. Creating something with these ten fingers give me a natural high. And the search for the natural high never ends. Makes me feel like an AMERICAN. I have the FREEDOM to be an individual and to create. This gives me soul. You ever look at people and go...do you enjoy living with yourself? Do you enjoy walking around with this sinister mug on your face all the time. Why do you feel this need to constantly gossip? Can't stand habitual gossippers. Is it really that necessary to put people down constantly? Are you doing this to make yourself feel better? Has there ever been a study done on gossipers and their self-esteem? People who gossip can't have that high of self-esteem. Because if you had high self-esteem, you'd be happy. You'd keep everything on the positive tip. I said this before and I'll say it again. Your attitude is perceptible to others, and it determines how they react to you. I try to stay upbeat and positive. How could you possibly gossip about me? What would you say? I think Andy's self-esteem is too high. He needs to be more negative. Respect yourself dammit. Pick up your head. Take care of your bodies. Put some soul into your vernaculated thoughts. Obsess about the negative and you'll get more of the same. andycat stayed in the red at 7:17 PM Monday, November 17, 2003 If yall go to Santa Barbara anytime soon, it's not there anymore. Because I drank it. Much love to Max, Pat, and Scott for taking care of ACAT in his drunken stupor. Quotacious Quotes: "How do you get rid of headache?" -- Max, on curing a hangover. "All you need is Jaeger...Tequila...Beer." -- Scott, on curing a hangover. "I don't drink things that are black." -- Pat, on his refusal to drink liquid cocaine. "It's all in your head." -- Max, on my hesitance to chug a double liquid cocaine. "It was immediately after you drank those shots that you fell. It happened so quick." -- Max recounting the timeframe between ACAT standing, and ACAT's uncontrollable fall. "I'm mad we spoke to so many girls." -- Pat, on all the honeys we spoke too at Madisons, ZERO. "You broke marble." -- Max telling me the material of the soap dish I broke wit the back of my head in my uncontrollable fall into the bathtup. "Didn't Jenn Crawford bartend at Madisons? She'd be that hot bartender." -- ACAT questioning JC's work experience. "She'd be hot anywhere." -- Max, on JC's fly appeal. "Chinese." -- Ethnicity of girls that are attracted to Scott. "SEWER." -- Scott, describing the smell of the hotel room we slept in. "Take off his pants." -- Max and Pat after I passed out. "Can you tell the one guy on the left side of my head, and the other guy on the right side of my head to stop pounding?" -- Scott "Cardboard." -- Pat, describing the consistency of cold pizza. "This guy's just full of quotes." -- ACAT, mesmerized by all of Scott Newmie's Quotes. "Max and I try to be funny. Scott is just being Scott." -- Pat describing Scott's sense of humor. Gotta love the nonsense. Good Times...Good Times. andycat stayed in the red at 12:56 AM Saturday, November 15, 2003 When I grow up, I want to be just like THE PREDATOR. Marshall Faulk is a triple threat fantasy player: passing yards, rushing yards, and scores td's. But Holy Shiza! THE PREDATOR is just a triple threat -- A movie alien, host of a hip hop video show, and an NFL Running Back: And when you all grow up, I know you wanna be just like me: ANDYCAT/ MUTTLEY, THE SNICKERING HOUND. Yeah, I've been smoking something. andycat stayed in the red at 3:43 PM Friday, November 14, 2003 How bout those Dodgers? Say what you want about the Lakers. But I'm slowly becoming a diehard Dodgers fan. And you can't knock these guys. Gagne got the Cy Young, and deservedly so. There's a t-shirt they sell at games that has his face on the front with the trademark horned-rimmed glasses, goatee, and sweat-brimmed hat. On the back, it says GAME OVER. Ill. LA Times Reports that the Dodgers are trying to trade for Richie Sexon, only the best power hitting 1st basemen in all of baseball. Put him in the middle of the lineup with Shawn Green, the best Jewish baseball player of all time and we got ourselves a team. Pitching staff is the best in all of baseball. Bullpen is the best in all of baseball. Gagne gets the Cy Young. All they need is some power. The streets are on fire. My back yard was nearly on fire. This team is on FIYAAHHHHHHH. What an uncreative post. andycat stayed in the red at 1:01 PM Thursday, November 13, 2003 Say a girl comes over to your place and rented a movie. One thing leads to another, and next thing you know, she's snoring in your bed. She didn't bring clothes to sleep in. She didn't bring her makeup arsenal that includes all the tools needed for the rituals of their beauty sleep. You know how girls have this ritual before they go to sleep right? Its not like a guy's ritual which includes, take a shit, shower, use soap...(realize you don't have any soap left, so you open up the bottle and dilute the soap residue with some water and use that. After you use up all the soap residue, you just soap down your body with shampoo.) Brush your teeth. Jump in your boxers. Go to sleep. Girls do all that...but then...there's the toner. And moisturizer. Cotton Swabs. Tweezers. Vaseline. Q-Tips and I mean enough Q-Tips to stop a flooding dam. It takes like 45 mins for girls to get ready in the morning. Which...okay, that makes sense. It takes a while to get pretty and put on your face. But how come it take 45 minutes to go to bed? Do you prepare for this? Do you say, I'm planning on going to bed at 11:30 so I have to start getting ready for bed at 10:45? I know this. I have older sisters. I once had a girl roommate and we shared a bathroom. Hair everywhere. But I digress. So the girl comes over, and she ends up spending the night. Do you give her a shirt to sleep in? Do you give her your boxers? Or do you just sleep buck ass nekkid? Do you let her borrow your toothbrush? I mean, would it be that gross to share a toothbrush? After all, you all just did some other stuff where I'm sure you spread more germs than sharing a toothbrush. andycat stayed in the red at 1:45 PM Wednesday, November 12, 2003 I need to revise my statement of purpose due this Saturday. Instead I blog. I want to talk about something. Something so profound it'll hit you upside your head, your orbital bone, your ear hole, then one of those three bones inside your ear. The mallus, incus, or stapes. Hammer. Anvil. Stirrup. Whatever comes first. Sus osículos se arderán. Your ossicles will be on fire. Don't sleep on this one. My name ain't Ichabod Crane. Its Andy Doan. The Legend of a dynamic Vietnamese Freedom Fighter. Ya heard? andycat stayed in the red at 12:21 PM I was looking for: Put you hand on the doorknob. Turn it to the right. Look! Enlightenment! How disappointing. Nobody got it. You all lose. No prize for anybody. Though Dave gets brownie points for translating in Chinese. I've always thought of you as a profound Asian man trapped in a little Jewish man's body. andycat stayed in the red at 10:07 AM Tuesday, November 11, 2003 I have discovered tanka -- an ancient style of poetry that speaks to the modern soul. In Japan, Tanka is widely considered the most intimate form of japanese poetry. Differs from haiku in that it adheres to a 5-7-5-7-7/ 31 syllable format. Because the Japanese language differs greatly from English in its syllabic length, many writers of English-language tanka use less than 31 syllables to achieve the form in English. I decide to write a Tanka in Spanish. Ponga su mano En la perilla de la puerta. Dele vuelta a la derecha. !Mirada! !Aclaracion! First one to translate wins a prize to be announced. andycat stayed in the red at 2:40 PM Monday, November 10, 2003 I ran into one of my sister's old friends yesterday. Ran into Skinny Joe at Rhino Records diggin for the Art Official Intelligence album. (Rhino Records is fresh. College Record Store in Claremont two minutes from where I live. I don't have to drive to Hollywood.) I knew the guy when I was 14. Probably haven't seem him since I was 17. "Andy! Lil' Andy!" "Joe? Skinny Joe!" Did the slap hands/ half-hug thing. He asked about my sister. I asked about his family. Went through the motions, the cordiality involved when one hasn't seen an old acquaintance in a while. Anyway. Lil' Andy. In my 24th year, I'm still not a player. I'm mean, I'm still "Lil". Like Lil' Bow Wow? Its really really nice to meet ya, ma. I'm really really diggin your style. Or Lil' Kim? Maybe Lil' Zane. Lil' Romeo? Lil' Wayne? Lil' Brother. Lil' Earl Boykins. Whatever. I'm dropping the Lil' from my name. andycat stayed in the red at 9:39 AM A day in the life of 2003 Thien Doan: 56 years old. Wakes up at 6 AM. Goes to Work. Gets off at 6PM. Goes to the gym. Comes home to a dinner. Eats in relative silence with mom. Does the books for the salon. Lights out at 10:30PM. And he does this everyday. Visits gramps on his day off and makes a run down to Santa Ana for some groceries. But my father today differs dramatically from the man I remember as a child, circa 1984-1986. I would go to these Festivals out in Santa Ana with him. I ate cotton candy and skewered chicken. And I would always come home with a paper latern. I wonder what were causes for these celebrations. In 1975, pops was 28 and relatively young. After marrying, having two kids, and purchasing a home, and finally settling down in the US, he was very active within the community, a Vietnamese Freedom Fighter figuring out a way to bring his own parents to the the US. He was popular too. Had a bunch of friends. I went over to fellow Dr.'s houses and would play Hungy Hippo with their children. But their are two sides to this man. 1. Thien Doan, the father and friend. As far as I can remember he's always been the most loyal and humble man and a very giving father, never unnecessarily raised his voice at me, never hit me, unflappable in his attitude. He's been strict yet fair. He's cool to my friends. We got tanked together on my 21st. Cool dude. 2. Thien Doan, the husband. Had an affair. Maybe having an affair. Disappears all day sometimes. "On-call" three times a week sometimes. I don't believe he's had sex in the past 5 years with my mom. Hasn't slept in the same bed with her in the past 10 years. Seems at ease when mom isn't around. Seems to go beserk when she comes home. You can feel the tension in their relationship. I don't believe he's happy...when she's around. They met in June of '75 on the ship to a refugee camp in Guam. My dad went to Richland, PA and stayed at the home of Sponsors. Mom went to Worcester, MA to her sisters. In December '75 after saving $1000 working at a gas station, he bought a car, drove to Worcester, and married my mom. They knew each other for 6 months. And probably spend a total of one month in each other presence at the camp in Guam. He once told me a story of how he hadn't had any Vietnamese food in 3 months when living in PA and my mom sent him some Top Rawmen. It was the most delicious meal he had ever had as it was the closest thing to food back home. Cute story, huh? That probably won him over. Fast forward 28 years and they have no relationship and I believe it stems from their decision to marry so quickly. I don't think he knew what he was getting into. I want direct answers, not these vague "whatever happened in the past has happened and we need to move forward" answers I get today when I ask. Fine. Don't answer me. Let's just keep living in tension. Maybe I pack my bags and move to Florida. Maybe I run away from my problems. Maybe I just lie. And lie. And lie until I have single-handedly conditioned my brain Into this mass denial where I believe I've done nothing wrong. I mean after all, hiding behind the truth seems to have worked for you guys. Yeah, that's what I'll do! I'll hide. I'll cover up my insecurities And hide. Behind my boobs. And my chin. Behind my eyelids. And my cheeks. And my bank account. Cuz lets be honest here. What really matters is not only looking good. But affording to look good. Oh, what do you know Andy? It's easy for you to criticize. Because you’re the youngest and everything Has always been spoon-fed to you. Your tuition. Your room and board. Your cell phone. Your BLAZIN1. Sorry yall. I'm cutting this short. This rage isn't good for me. andycat stayed in the red at 1:16 AM Friday, November 07, 2003 Sometimes I blog slow, sometimes I blog quick. Yeah folks, I got nothing. I mean nothing. Maybe I do an appreciation post. Who's up. I know... the guy who's been showin love to the blog recently. Check 1-2. As I step to the blog in my b-boy stance...Era-Era-Era. DJ Devonte "All these points are making me hungry." -- DJ, rackin up points in a friendly game of Dominoes. "Steak. Some cheese. Refried. Guac. I'm so good at this." -- DJ, piling on the cheese, carne asada, beans, and whatever else Freebirds offers for their nachos after a drunken night downtown. "Take it back to '93, Andy." -- DJ, requesting me to bust at Joya. Daaaaaaam. My memory is on point. Like Rod Strickland, yo. Not really sure I can say I know you that well but you do make me laugh homie. I usually think of Indians as somewhat pretentious...really annoying, not athletic...just flat out goobers. You reject my stereotype. Metrosexual? Fer shur. You rock black and khaki straight from page 34. Freshly-dipped in the knits...if I'm ever feeling joya, (and sometimes, I feel like putting my name on a guest list), I know who to call. Yeah man, I know you're somewhat of a brainiac...not all of us were handed a contract by a Big 5 straight outta compton. I mean, straight outta college. C'mon now...I work at a drive-thru. Oh and by the way...let me drop some drive-thru etiquette for y'all. If you're the passenger, its not that hard to tell the driver what you want instead of leaning over him and trying to shout into the speaker. We still can't hear you anyway. Don't ask me to throw away trash that's been sitting in your car. Do I look like a kitchen sink equipped with a garbage disposal? Sheesh. Daven. Devonte. Swing. Dowtown everybody move to the beat. Uptown everybody, rollin with heat. When's the next pre-party? I got tanqueray in the cabinet right now. I'll whip up some h'ordeurves too. Seven-layer bean dip. andycat stayed in the red at 12:51 AM Wednesday, November 05, 2003 I have two types of friends -- The guy's guy: "90% of my money I spend on alcohol. 5% goes to women. And the last 5%, I just waste." -- Matt Costello, on the allocation of his salary. And I have the Metrosexuals: METROSEXUAL \me-(.)tro - seksh - (e-) wel/ n: 1: Twenty-first century male trendsetter. 2: Straight, urban man with heightened aesthetic sense. 3: Man who spends time and money on appearnace and shopping. 4: Man willing to embrace his feminine side. These guys are confident in their metrosexuality. How confident are you? andycat stayed in the red at 11:34 AM Tuesday, November 04, 2003 Warning: The post you are about to enjoy is extremely hot. I've been feeling like a romantic lately. Like I just want to go to every pretty girl I see and say something along the lines of: I wanna caress your body. And give you a kiss. Rub you down, where you've been missed. Nibble on your navel, and caress your thigh. Play with your hair, cuz I'm on a love high. And then, she'd be like, "Andy, you're such a smooth talker." But even though she's knows I'm spitting she's entranced with my charming aura. And then I'd say... I don't know, its just the way that I am... Introduce me to your mother, and I'd say "Hello, Ma'am." And then...my favorite. I can't really explain it, I'm so into you now. I really enjoy making girls feel good about themselves. Scratch that. I really enjoy making people feel better about themselves. Sometimes I get a little promiscuous with the compliments, but hey...in all honesty I really mean every word I say. And I don't like knowing that my friends are sad. Positive is the attitude. Negative is not the mood. At the school I've been subbing at, they have this class called life skills. I enjoy this class tremendously because I'm not teaching them something out of a book. I get to talk about social skills, something these private school children really lack. I told my students that as they got older they would hear this word called 'Passion' alot. Asked them what they thought 'Passion' Meant. And what was 'Passionate' to them at 12 and 13 years old. Their answer weren't unusual. My passions at 13 were comparable to theirs: Super MarioKart. Lakers. Nancy. Friends. My Dog Toto. (RIP, son. Pour out a little liquor for you dog.) But I encouraged them to think more critically and as some of them are applying to Webb, this ritzy private school out in Claremont, I told them that the admissions people at Webb are looking for something deeper than just Video games. I told them about my own application to Webb. There was a question which asked, "What has been your biggest challenge thus far in your life? And how did you deal with it?" My classmates had answers like, "I was feeling really sick, but I needed to play in the soccer game because it was the championship. I ignored my sickness and and found energy to push through." My answer to the question was, "My biggest challenge so far is to discover who I want to be, and not what my parents tell me I have to be. I am still dealing with this challenge and when I find the answer I will let you know. Hopefully I will know the answer before my education is completed at Webb." So even at a young age, I was mature, and I'm sure the admissions team were floored by my precociousness. And although my passions have evolved in the 11 years since... I kick ass at Madden. The Lakers wreck shop. Call me a fitness fiend. I live for my sisters. And my niece and nephew. I couldn't ask for a more unqiue and idiosyncratic group of friends. I love Toto. So what am I passionate about now? Dropping knowledge. Your attitude is perceptible to others and it determines how they react to you. andycat stayed in the red at 12:39 PM Sunday, November 02, 2003 The extended family was here yesterday night. Meaning that the older sister and the fat brother in-law were here. And their rat. I mean yorkshire terrier. And I'm playing Madden with the guy on the new PS2 while Nancy is making dinner. Every 10 seconds, he looks up and says to my sister: "Babe, I got a first down." "Babe, I just completed a pass." "Babe, I scored a touchdown on your brother. HAHAHAHAHA. (Goofy white dude laugh)." Shutdafuccup. "Babe, do you need help grating the cheese?" "Are you sure?" "Babe." "Babe." "Babe." Seriously dude. Chill. I'm not even exagerrating. Every...ten...seconds. He would turn around from his seat, scan the kitchen in an agitated manner to see what ingredient my sister was chopping, and then say something to her. You know that uncomfortable feeling you get when you watch Bo Outlaw shoot a free throw? You get that same uncomfortable feeling observing this guy talk to his wife. Like, OMG...is this really happening? Can you be anymore stiff? Are you actually saying these words? He's always looking for some kind of reassurance. And if there is no response he'll keep on fishing for those compliments until he reels one in. Kinda reminds me of my fourth-graders. "Mr. Doan! Look! I can do cartwheel!" "Mr. Doan! I'm need to use the bathroom!" "Mr. Doan! I have a runny nose! There's no tissue!" So? Use your arm. Or your shirt collar. When I was 6, I didn't even bother to get up to blow my nose. I just used my shirt collar. At the end of the day, the collar would be caked in yellow booger crust. Gotta love little boys. (Not in the R. Kelly Sense). So disgusting. So awesome. I mean seriously. She's making dinner. You think she cares? You think women care about video games? How the hell does she deal with his insecurities? "Umm-hmm. Okay." That's always her response. Like Chilly Willy. Now if you really loved someone, maybe you would care. You wouldn't just say "Umm-hmmm. Okay." Like Chilly Willy. You'd say something like. "Good job, Honey! Did you run the playaction on third and short against the 4-6 defense when you scored? That always works because the defense thinks your gonna run!" I know that when I'm in a relationship I generally don't talk about Video games with my girlfriend. Because I know that she doesn't care. I talk about things we share in common and leave the testosterone for hanging with the fellas. So I guess she doesn't love him. I wonder when this asteroid called disillusionment crashes into their Marriage. I'm thinking T minus 18 months. Explosion. Divorce. Marriage left in rubbles. Who gets custody of the rat? andycat stayed in the red at 7:37 PM Saturday, November 01, 2003 I'm gonna start taping games. andycat stayed in the red at 2:17 AM	Exponential ESPN Cicely Daily Nexus Sneak Move Dodger Blues LA Times Food Network Growth AIM: ANDYDOAN1 E-Mail: adoan1@hotmail.com Decay 03.03 04.03 05.03 06.03 07.03 08.03 09.03 10.03 11.03 12.03 01.04 02.04 03.04 04.04 05.04 06.04 07.04 08.04 09.04 10.04 11.04 12.04 01.05 02.05 03.05 04.05 05.05 06.05 07.05 08.05 09.05 10.05 11.05 12.05 01.06 02.06 03.06 04.06 05.06 06.06 07.06 08.06 09.06 10.06 11.06 12.06 01.07 02.07 03.07 04.07 05.07 10.07 11.07 12.07 06.08