Brown Skin Lady.
Monday, September 29, 2003
Yes it is week 4 in the NFL and I have some burning questions.
Does anybody else notice Donovan Mcnabb's receding hairine or does the square 'fro (the squro) draw attention away from it?
Remember the time when Warren Sapp had dreads?
We've had some two sport athletes during my generation -- Bo Jackson, Deion Sanders...
Will there ever be a three or four-sport athlete? And I'm not talking some Jamaican who's a bobsledder/ track star/ archery champ. I'm talking about some who can be a professional in the four major US Sports Associations: football, hockey, basketball, and baseball. Could you imagine Bo playing hockey?
Anybody else 0-4 in their fantasy league?
Priests Holmes kicks butt. Any chance he would lend some of those steroids to me?
He was a special teams guy on the Cowboys way back when. He did the Shark Dance before kickoffs. What was his name?
Has there ever been a white tailback in the NFL?
The question is, are you ready for some football?
Did anybody notice Jerry Rice's head? Talk about aging rapidly. The front half was bald. The back half was dreads.
Is it just me or do you just cringe in fear when they show injuries in super-slow motion? Rolled ankles are the worst. Second would be players leaping for a catch, getting hit in mid-air, and landing upside-down on their heads.
Not a question pertinent to football...what's stopping hockey teams from putting a big fat sumo wrestler on some skates and use him as the goalie to block the goal?
How horrible was the fake FG the saints tried yesterday with the placeholder receiving the snap, the kicker running around him, getting the toss, running for his life, and then getting hit?
If I was a special teams coach, I would have more reverses and laterals on kickoffs. 40 yards everytime.
Don't you just love announcers? Especially when a team has just scored a touchdown in the fourth quarter with 5 minutes left but are still down by 19. And the announcer always goes...we got a ball game folks! Now they just have to play good D, score a touchdown, recover an onside kick, throw a 50 yard hailmary, fumble the ball at the 1, get a safety, score another touchdown, and kick the tying field goal.
My fantasy team was matched up against Jamal Lewis during his 300 yard game. And it matched up against Peyton Manning yesterday during his 6 TD performance. Needless to say, I lost. Why?
Picture an EVIL Chirs Tucker. Now picture Randy Moss. Any similarities?
Ricky Watters once recorded a song with Method Man for an ESPN Jock Jams. Again. Why?
Master P's got to be arguably, the most prolific rapper turned baller. Is Shaq the best baller turned rapper?
Am I the only one that made the Mark Rypien--Kurt Warner comparisons? Both came out of nowhere, took there teams to Super Bowls. Never did anything else.
How sad is it to see Marshall Faulk's career on decline?
Why is ESPN teasing us with those Barry Sander's commercials?
Did anybody else notice that TD celebration where the player took the football and rolled it like a bowling ball? Great celebration. Right up there with Tony Gonzales shooting a 20-footer straight through the uprights.
You know the in the floor Exercise in Gymnastics when the gymnast runs to a corner, extends his arm out like he's saluting Hitler, and sprints half way across the floor and does a cartwheel followed by a triple-flip-axle-lutz-salcow into the splits? How tight would it be to celebrate scoring a goal in soccer by running to the corner flag, do the Hitler Salute and proceed to tumble away like a gymnast?
"I am generally happier during football season." -- Matt Costello, in an MSN Messenger coversation about state of mind during the NFL season.
Couldn't agree more.
andycat stayed in the red at 5:53 PM
Saturday, September 27, 2003
If my readers really care about me, i want this for christmas.
andycat stayed in the red at 6:14 PM
Friday, September 26, 2003
TEXT MESSAGE APPRECIATION POST
The text message. Sheer genius. Truly the best invention to come out in the past 3 years. (When was the female condom invented? Anybody ever try it? What does it look like?)
Two blocks away from your homies house and want him to meet you outside in 2 minutes but don't want to call?
Send a text.
Meet a girl at the club last night but don't want to call and seem overzealous?
Send a text. Tell her to call you. If she returns the text...play on, playa.
Had a booty-call last night and its the morning after and you realize you're stranded and need a ride?
Send a text to your homies with the address and tell him to look it up on mapquest. Or better yet ask your bootycall for directions and text them over. Tell her to make breakfast for you while your waiting for your ride. I like my eggs over-medium. With a side of Sriracha.
Close down the bar and wonder where your boy's at cuz the last time you saw him it was an hour ago and he was getting his Wade Robson on with a freakishly tall Chinese girl?
Send a text. If he doesn't return it, hope for the best.
Club is closed and your curious to see if that "body is bangin baby I love it when you flaunt it" girl that you were vibing with just 45 minutes ago wants to do some after partying?
Send a text. Give her the address. Tell your friends to get with my friends and we can be friends. Shit we can do this every weekend. Is that aiight with you?
The text message. Great for situations that involve a girl and car. Comes through in the clutch.
Mad gangsta. Wild nice.
andycat stayed in the red at 6:28 PM
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Cuz to me, MC means move the crowd.
And that's what Taylor Mali, spoken-word artist, poet, and 6th grade teacher did last night at a reading out here in the 909. For those not in the know, Mali one of the more successful poets in the relatively new Performance Art genre. Yowzas! Talk about inspiring. He really feeds off the audience and looks at them as an 'auditor' of his work. If I took one thing from UCSB, its that the #1 rule of writing is -- KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE. If I took another, all college classes are concerned with "Increase" and "Decrease" and in every class I took, you analyzed "Increase" and "Decrease"
Economics -- Income Increases, Consumption Increases
Western Civilization -- Increase in the # of bourgeoise into the government and overthrowing the nobels.
Music Appreciation -- Bach was known for his decrease of melody during the undertones. Huh? (I don't know).
Human Sexuality -- 4 sexual phases of a womens orgasm: 1) Excitement -- Increase in blood flow. 2) Orgasm 3) Plateau. 4) The come down (I forgot what the actual name is).
North American Indians -- There was a decrease in them over time.
Anyway, I'm on a natural high from listening to Mali. But the civil war is still raging between East Brain and West Brain. Talk to me a few hours. Know your audience. Teach a kid to read.
andycat stayed in the red at 9:38 AM
Monday, September 22, 2003
I'm sweating.
Not a conventional sweat either.
Not a heat-induced
100 degrees outside in the Land of Up
My left ball is sticking
To my right thigh
Kind of sweat.
Not an endorphin-released
I just ran an in-tense
Like camping
20 Minute 5K in Chinatown
Kind of sweat.
Not a petrified
There’s some Vietnamese dudes
In my house and they got a Tech N9NE
At my head and screaming accented obscenities
Kind of sweat.
Not a stank obnoxious little 5th grader
Who heard the bell ring
And came off the basketball court into my classroom
Huffing and puffing
Kind of sweat.
Not a
She put me on blast
And my boys are now interrogating me with questions like
“Where you been, Andy?”
Kind of sweat.
More like a nauseous sweat.
A hysterical sweat.
Sweating abnormally.
Sweating behind my knees
And under my arms.
Sweat stains on the back of my t-shirt.
Sweating profusely.
Sweat budding from the top of my toes
And between the webs of my fingers.
Sweat bullets trickling down my lats.
More like a disoriented sweat.
A sweat that has me on the edge of tears one moment
But cracking jokes the next.
My thoughts are discombobulated.
But this foofy Absolut Mandarin screwdriver
Has got me believing that I’m thinking straight.
Sweating because I’m truly in love with you?
Or sweating because I’m losing you?
Sweating because of this quarter-life crisis?
Or sweating from this fear of passing this time alone?
I’m sweating.
andycat stayed in the red at 5:02 PM
Sunday, September 21, 2003
I gotta let this out cuz its consuming my mind. And I'm gonna try put these emotions into words.
Angry:
At myself. Let one helluva cool girl out of my grasp.
At her. I didn't really see it coming. I guess it started a few weeks ago when I made plans to cook her lunch and she straight out flaked w/o calling. She made my mind go berzerk when she didn't even have the decency to return my calls for 10 days.
Days 1-3: Hmmmm...i think she's avoiding me. Uh-oh. Maybe she's tired of my games.
Days 4-5: Hmmmmm....that's odd. At least have the decency to tell me to fuck off. I deserve at least that.
Days 6-8: Hmmmmmm....is she alive? Now I'm not even worried about our relationship. Is she safe? Is she ok?
Day 9: Finally sends a text saying she's ok and needs to think about things.
Day 10: So why didn't you call earlier? "I was chicken, Andy. You know I'm not good at these things."
So does being "chicken" justify not calling somebody back for 10 days. Especially when you have been dating for 9 months? I was seriously going bonkers. And I'm already bonkers as it is. Wasn't there a candy called bonkers in the 80's?
Then again...is it justifiable to casually date somebody for 9 months and still not want to commit? That would be my committment-phobia folks.
Confused:
With this brain of mine. Am I in love with this girl? Why am I ready to commit now that she's gone? Or is it because I can't have her now which makes me want her that much more.
With her sudden change of heart. I know she wanted a commitment for some time now but had only brought up the subject once. And that was 5 months ago. And 5 months ago, I told her I wasn't ready. She couldv'e asked again but decided to not call, put me through wild and crazy emotions, and then decided to watch me catch the curb from her kick.
Insecure:
And I haven't felt this one in a while. You hit your mid-twenties and your supposed to be secure with your identity. And this is probably the one emotion that can potentially afflict your mentality for a while. Starting to wonder, what's wrong with me? I couldn't commit because I have other concerns -- career, depression, la familia. I thought a girlfriend would just tie me down and not let me breathe and then all my concerns would be put on the backburner for her.
Is she dating somebody else? Ugggghhh. Just the mere thought of that makes my stomach churn. But I can't be mad. I dated other people. I just realized too late that I was compatible with her more than any other girl that's come along.
Hopeful:
So I'm trying to get back to normal Andy. You know, the one that was taking anti-depressants and believed they were helping, the one moving slowly along the path of becoming a teacher. The Andy who wrote entertaining blogs, and who never once forgot about how fortunate he was to have such an amazing beatnik group of friends. The Andy, who could zone out to hip-hop, who tried his damnest to smile even if it were somewhat artificially contrived. Because really, who doesn't love people who smile all the time. The Andy who tries not to use the word "hate" because 'its a strong word'.
Maybe I shoud start up some yoga. Help me relax a little.
andycat stayed in the red at 9:45 PM
Saturday, September 20, 2003
Dumped.
Rejection -- now there's an emotion I don't often encounter. Depressed, chill, furious, euphoric, lethargic, guilt, soulful, anxious. I'm accustomed to those emotions. But rejection...and not just rejection but rejection from a girl? GASP! I don't know what to say. She really doesn't want to date me anymore. And I have no one to be mad at except myself. Couldn't commit. Was ready to...but it was too late by then. Remember those blogs about that girl who wasn't crazy? She still isn't crazy. Matter of fact...she's been the coolest girl I've met in years. If anything this relationship has given me hope. Hope that sane women are available to us charming men who really just want a fun relationship and act silly all the time. I have no one to be mad at except myself. Which is cool...I'm used to disappointing myself. I can deal with that. Now on the other hand, when friends and family disappoint you...that shit can be traumatizing. So what now? Not really sure. Time to get back in the game? Work the ladies with my cool charm? Take it back to the summer 2001 in Hawaii?
Ahhhhh....summer of 2001....in shape, tanned, smiling all the time...
"Andy, you're such a player."
I ain't a player I just crush alot. Jump on top with my d*ck, work them hips, until I bust a shot.
andycat stayed in the red at 9:14 PM
Friday, September 19, 2003
Need help. And I know that most of my readers are college graduates:
How much of a pure acid solution needs to be mixed with 2 gallons of a 40% acid solution in order to form a 70% acid solution?
Please explain. Thank you.
andycat stayed in the red at 5:15 PM
Hate to blast ya. But I have ta.
Parting ways amicably seems to be the theme of A-Cat's life at the moment. Blessing in disguise possibly. Like carlos said...we won't have the homies to fall back on. Yeah so weekends weren't made for fun these past 9 months. The wesside was still like my peripheral vision though. I could see you guys out the corner of my eye though yall 60 miles away. Gone like the wind now. Times were fresh mode when the crew is marinating. Crew is crumbling like the coffee cake. Times drag-on when A-Cat is rolling solo. Self-entertainment includes -- Merlot. Marijuana. Mobb Deep. Mochas. Mackin. Okay 4 of the 5. You choose which one don't belong. I wish everybody well. Like Dave said...I'm happy for you guys, but fuck you guys too.
Picture a persian picking pickles in Mexico.
NY Soul at the Rican shifting shapes in the form of Hapa brutha.
Soul Rebel #1 A-Cat losing his mind in 909.
Envious? Fo shizzle. Stay chiseled. Would much rather be picking pickles, eating tacos, coastin to spoken words, or noshing a slice. Its all love though. Make it happen fellas. Change = Renaissance man. Do the right thing. Use higher learning. Once upon a time in mexico, a menace to society escaped from los angeles.
These voices. These voices. I hear them. And when they stop, I'll follow. O god. Peace of mind. Please.
andycat stayed in the red at 11:20 AM
It's safe to say that I'm freaking out. Friends leaving. Girls not returning calls. CSET coming up and very little studying. Been writing to entertain. Need to starting writing for therapy/ my lyrics take care of me. There is a desire to entertain yall for a few minutes of your day. But fuck it...these blogs take to much time. Almost becoming a chore and not fun anymore. Just need to ricochet whatever shots are bouncing off the dome. And not think twice about the words I manifest. Yall get those references? Probably not. Get at me dog.
andycat stayed in the red at 2:04 AM
Monday, September 15, 2003
My buddy Luc gave me some G13 medicinal marijuana the other day and I thought, why not? So how do you spark the leaf when you don't have any paper, a bong, a pipe, or a digital vaporizer? Got my macgyver on and made a pipe out of two pens and aluminum foil. Took two blunts to the head and I was shit. Your car is shit. You got beautiful tits. You on? I'm sayin.
High noon on a friday, 80 degrees in the land of up. I'm at home. Puffin la. Relaxing. And while I was on the macgyver tip, I took out the blown speaker in my car, grabbed some caulking material and patched it all up. System sound good now.
And the first jam I played in the revamped BLAZIN1 audio? Big Pun---Still not a player. Little brown hairs everywhere.
You know how the weed go/ unbelievable.
andycat stayed in the red at 12:59 AM
Thursday, September 11, 2003
In the immortal words of one -- What a douche bag. I'm watching temptation island right now.
Any fool that walks around with denim overalls, no shirt, and a beanie in a tropical locale has some issues. Moron. Guess some chicks dig that though. Thuggity Thuggity Thuggity Thug! I been shot 48 times. I've taken more shots in the face than Jenna Jameson. (Stolen from Chris Rock). Idiot.
Has TV stooped down to this level? You notice 10 years ago in videos like Rump Shaker and Baby Got Back, all the rap video girls were black? Now we got all types! -- Blacks, Puerto Ricans, Asians, White Girls. Ridiculous. What happened to all the sistas? Where have they all gone? Why am I mad? Should I be questioning a form of media which happens to be exploitation in the first place? Even my conditioning has been conditioned.
And on a side note, this sight got 42 hits today. Alot of people hitting refresh and wondering when the next blog is gonna appear. You all like my sight that much? HAHAHAHA. Everybody sitting in anticipation. Ooh...wonder what Andy has to say. I guess I should be flattered. So what's going through your mind when you hit refresh and see that nothing is posted. Is there a feeling of disappointment? Does your heart skip a beat when there is a new post? Do you get an erection? Do your panties get wet? Do you sit there with a goofy smile as you sit and read? These blogs are kinda like herpes. You know its there, you just never know when it'll appear.
andycat stayed in the red at 10:00 PM
Thursday, September 04, 2003
A few more for your mind --
"Pay for the car behind us. It's good karma." -- Matt, handing me $5 for the $2 toll across the Bay Bridge.
"So if I chip in for two cars behind us, is that double the karma?" -- Me, taking out a $1 bill for a total of $6 in order to pay for 3 cars across the bridge.
"Anybody else wanna throw down on this?" -- Me, asking if anybody else would wanted in on some good karma.
"Karma Dollars" -- Connor, placing a title upon a profound form of toll payment.
Nirvana now awaits.
andycat stayed in the red at 12:49 PM
Yeah I know you've all experienced the corn shit. But get this, I just had a lima bean shit. Come to think of it, I once had a red bell pepper shit. Having these types of shits is kind of like shooting a basketball and hitting nothing but net. It goes in the hole, and comes right out. So I guess if you were to puke, that would be equivalent to a shot that goes in and out. It goes half way down the bucket, but somehow manages to pop out. What a heartbreak. Amazing what the human digestive system along with some fibrous food is capable of.
"I need some prune juice" -- Matt, the morning after a late-night dinner of a Reuben and Banana Split.
andycat stayed in the red at 10:31 AM
ESPN
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AIM: ANDYDOAN1
E-Mail: adoan1@hotmail.com
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