Brown Skin Lady


Brown Skin Lady. Friday, August 26, 2005 Two posts in two weeks. Well, New York happened and so did Accelerated. I know I'm still a backpacker at heart and the reason why I say this is because certain beats will captivate my attention. The world will stop. Kinda like when you were a kid and He-Man was on. At that precise moment, nothing could turn your attention away from the telly, save for...I don't know, a naked girl. (But even then...) Ubiquity Records makes some fantastic tee-shirts and even includes mini discs with their purchase. So with my In The Groove Tee came a disc with soul mosaic Greyboy. I didn't happen to listen to it until later that night when a certain female came over and busy-ness started occuring. You know how you'll throw on some Jodeci when said busy-ness is happening? Well Greyboy was on the menu that particular night. And then the making out. And then the clothes ripped off. And then da, da, DA, da, da, da, DA, da at an electronic frenzied 120 BPM. DAMN! That's a solid beat! And for the next three minutes, He-Man was battling Skeletor. andycat stayed in the red at 7:23 AM Thursday, August 18, 2005 You're gonna wanna go that way (he points while inside the building, mind you), make a right to Broadway, and there's some trinkets for your niece and nephew, and then Lafayette, and then Spring, and get off on the 6, transfer at the E, oh yeah get off on 57th and Lexington, walk a few blocks, and you'll be there. I just nod my head. And step outside -- L.U.B.A.R. -- lost up beyond all recognition. It's okay. Being lost in New York during the summertime makes my eyeballs feel good. It's like the women here only have three months to show off their bodies and, oh boy, do they ever take advantage of this time before the weather turns to absolut frigid. (And there you go, next vodka ad -- ABSOLUT FRIGID. With Girls in NY wearing a cute tank top in the heat of the night.) We all know the women in Southern California are beautiful, but not enough mention to NY Women. Since everybody drives in LA, the numbers are skewed, and the pretty women you see walking down the street are relagated to location such as, i don't know... Bars. But here, everybody walks, so the masses are concentrated into a 10 square mile block of island. Therefore, people watching and thus girl-checking-out is that much more, dare I say... provocative????? And besides checking out women in bars is no fun. Strobelight honeys have never been my thing. There's something more appealing about a girl in a white tank top with a backpack slung over her shoulder and walking into Borders than a girl stumbling over her 4 inch stilletos with an electric blue cocktail in hand. (What the dickens is Blue Curacao, anyway?) When a girl is doing normal things, she definitely becomes more approachable. And if you dig what I'm saying, get on the miggety mic and raise one fist in the air. andycat stayed in the red at 9:27 AM Wednesday, August 17, 2005 Much Anticipated Quotacious Quotes -- Santa Barbara, etc, al.: "The son got his arm bit off by a shark, and the dad swam back into the ocean, found the shark, killed it, and got the arm back." -- Ali resurrecting an internet fable about shark attacks. "You cannot be serious...(or something to that extent)" -- All of us, on Ali's retelling of that story. "Oh yeah, those are fun." -- Pat, on top-heaviness. "Fruit or potatoes?" -- Me, on whether to get hash browns or fresh fruit as a side for my steak and eggs. "I've never been able to say no to potatoes." -- Matt, stating the obvious. "The potatoes make this burrito." -- Me, on Cantina Breakfast Burritos. "I agree." -- Potato loving, Matt Costello. "www.boobs.com" -- my first recollection of meeting 19 year old Connor, and what was on his computer screen when we worked together. "I love it when you tell that story. It's so Connor." -- Pat "Did you go straight to work?" -- Me, asking Connor what his activities were once he got off his red-eye flight from Los Angeles. "I went straight to bonin." -- Connor, obviously thinking about www.boobs.com. "Should I be trusted with 17-year olds?" -- Dave, on having minors stay over at his place. "He slept on my patio, then on my couch, then in his car." -- Hostess Vern, on my actions after I smoked a doobie. "You'll have peanuts growing on the street." -- Connor, after the munchies led me to littering peanut shells all over Santa Barbara. "Teppan Breakfast." -- My multi-million dollar idea for a restaurant. "How would that work?" -- Vern, asking too many questions. "Dave is stoked on a married girl. Wes is dating a nutritionist who lives in Virginia and sells beer. And I'm the crazy one?" -- Connor, on mind state awareness. "The questions is why do you look at the status of your friends' relationships in conjuction of your own....even though I do it all the time." -- Me, looking for safety in numbers. "How could you be mad at that image?" -- Pat, on a roommate waking into his bedroom only to see a stranger standing on his bed with his hands on the ceiling with a female performing a sexual act. "I like how the word oscillate is strictly refered to as an action in which a fan performs. It's like an analogy. Oscillate is to Fan." -- Me, being the nerdular nerd that i am. "Well let's analyze that...and only you and I would have this conversation." -- Connor, on our esoteric conversations. (And I just used esoteric in a sentence.) "I like how it never develops." -- Bret, on strongbad e-mail. "I'll give you Hines Ward for Javon Walker." -- GM Matt Costello of America's Team. "I go on many interviews and when the interviewer asks me "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I say, "Celebrating the five-year anniversay of you asking me that question." -- Mitch Hedberg. "You make my eyeballs feel good." -- My new pick up line. andycat stayed in the red at 12:19 PM Thursday, August 11, 2005 I'm somewhat against those posts/ blogs which talk about your mundane daily events: Today, I went to the museum and it was fun! I went with Alice and we both thought the Little Blue Boy painting was really well done. The gardens at the Huntington library are so immaculate! Even though it was kind of hot, we stayed cool by drinking ice tea in the shade. I can't believe we had to spend $4.25 for an Ice Tea, but it was worth it because it quenched our thirst. Shut up. Shut up now. So with that said... Yesterday, I went to Pechanga Casino in Temecula. I played 6 hours of 2-4 Hold'em. Fun table. Funny dealers. I'm getting straights, aces over jacks, pair of kings/ ace high, pockets queens, face cards suited. Winning money right. We're all laughing, having a fun time. And then, the old Asian lady comes out of the bullpen and onto the table to shut me down. I can't even talk about this anymore. I feel like a buttmunch. andycat stayed in the red at 11:27 AM Wednesday, August 10, 2005 Cool thing about having a girlfriend: While driving in your SUV and listening to some classic breaks, you can reach over with that grimy paw of yours... and grab a boob. andycat stayed in the red at 9:45 AM Tuesday, August 09, 2005 jenniphly: first, i'd trip that she was eating a hamburger ANDYDOAN1: i did that jenniphly: because she doesn't strike me as the kind to eat meat ANDYDOAN1: could've been a gardenburger jenniphly: ok jenniphly: where was she? ANDYDOAN1: astroburger jenniphly: i don't think we have those up here ANDYDOAN1: it's a little stand out in hollywood jenniphly: was she alone? ANDYDOAN1: was with a gf with a big fro ANDYDOAN1: i stole her french fry jenniphly: i'd try to mack on the girlfriend and pretndi didn't knwo who she was jenniphly: nice! jenniphly: sell it on eBay! ANDYDOAN1: how much do you think that would go for jenniphly: at LEAST $3 ANDYDOAN1: ok, editing the blog and putting this up jenniphly: correct my spelling Astroburger out in West Hollywood makes a tasty Ortega Burger. So tasty it attracts certain famous clientele. Hmmmm... Braided extensions down to her ankles.. Candy hazlenut eyes... Full lips... Erykah Badu eating a cheeseburger and talking on her Treo at 10PM at night? Wait, is that her? Shouldn't she be taking care of her kid she had with Andre 3000? I'm not usually one to get starstruck, but I am a fan...and I really wanted a picture. But then I got mad, and remembered how she turned my favorite rapper into a pansy looking crocheted pants wearing dude. Like REALLLY Mad. ANDYDOAN1: and now i'm dl some erykah BurntPancakes: just to show her whats up! ANDYDOAN1: jack her music, right on! BurntPancakes: exactly Fuck that, no photo. Instead, I'll just mad dog her. (And yes, I just said "Mad Dog.") But then we made eye contact, and she scared me, so I looked the other way. Hmmm... Maybe I'll just throw on some Jackson 5 on the jukebox and watch her rock out to 8 year old Michael. And she did! Man, I'd make a good DJ. andycat stayed in the red at 8:32 AM Saturday, August 06, 2005 I need help. No, not that classic therapy lay on a couch and vent my issues (and...oooohhh, there's some issues) to a shrink type of help. More of a practical, how would you do this if you were in this debacle of a situation type of help. Yes I need help, some advice on how to unhook a bra. I'm not good at it. And while I'm good at alot of things (driving, wack-a-mole, grilled cheese's), I tend to be a little clumsy when I'm rounding 2nd. (If you know what I mean.) It's like I got the sign from the 3rd base coach, yelling at me to stay on 2nd, but shit, I know I'm quick and my team is in 1 run down with no outs and if I can get myself on to 3rd... ...then we got quite a ballgame folks... So I round second, hard, only to kind of do one of those stumble trips over my own feet out of hurried anticipation and only get one hook off that two hook bra strap. FUCK! So now you know there's gonna be a close play at third because that friggin right fielder has a cannon of an arm. And I'm thinking, "Oh Crap", I'm gonna have to slide in hard to beat the tag and get that second hook off the bra just to make it seem like I know what the hell I was doing in the first place and not get an earful from the manager when I return back to the bench. Whew! Safe. But clearly, this could've been a bad situation. Bad as in BAD. Not bad as in good. andycat stayed in the red at 8:02 PM Thursday, August 04, 2005 1)...those born on August 4 are useful to their group in a largely symbolic role, as they may perfectly represent its aspiration and embody its ideals in their external appearance or lifestyle... Not only do you strive to be this certain essence of cool that I am, you want to look this cool too. 2)...those born on August 4 are often the guiding light to whatever social group, political movement, family or business they belong. Not always cut out to be leaders they must nevertheless occupy a princial position; indeed, they make their influence and philosophy known to all with whom they associate... Turn to Brown Skin Lady for some of that influential wisdom. Or maybe ex-sangria. 3)...those born on this day are masterful at sizing up their enviroment... Now in my younger days, I used to sport a shag. I mean I had ninja-like tendencies. Anyway. Happy Birtday to Roger Clemens and yours truly. andycat stayed in the red at 11:49 AM Wednesday, August 03, 2005 It's about celebrating that baseball more than any sport is who we are. It is reflected in our immigration patterns, our history because we're all immigrants. We should want the world to see us not for our politics, not for our business, but for baseball as our metamorphic soul, inclusive, not exclusive, diverse, not divisive, fraternal, not fractionalized. -- Peter Gammons, Hall of Fame induction speech. I couldn't agree more. Baseball, the great American national pastime. Or actually, these days, the great South American national pastime. OK, OK. NY 16-21. Catch me at Shea. andycat stayed in the red at 10:28 AM Tuesday, August 02, 2005 Like Flava Flav, you blind to the facts. ANDYDOAN1: oh. the envoy is a machine dhrdave2: yeah it is, it's sick ANDYDOAN1: towing up the grapevine with a/c on ANDYDOAN1: no prob. dhrdave2: that's right, towing from the bay dhrdave2: that is dope dhrdave2: with ipod dhrdave2: so sick Mrs. Squires taught me that transition sentences are crucial in the realm of writing. So let's transition into what the iPOD is rockin these days. You could say that I do have an east coast bias when it comes to hip hop and rap music in general (call it the Jersey Roots), but I've always had an affinitiy for Cypress Hill. Especially early Cypress Hill, and more specifically their self-titled debut, and even more specifically, PHUNKY FEEL ONE. If we flashback to recess in 1991, you'll see some dorks on the corner of the playground talking about how awesome Sir Mix-A-Lot was, how they just bought the new Spin Doctors Cassingle, and me... ACAT, headphones on, yellow walkman sporting, Cross Colours wearing, nodding my head to the extra loud JB's bassline which B-REAL and Sen Dog rhymed over. The whole album and especially this track has a very east coast-centric vibe to it (much respect to DJ Muggs), which is probably why I've always dug West Coast MC's who had an East Coast Influence: Cypress, Xzibit, Pharcyde, and Hiero. I know I know. I live in this sheltered world (outside of mainstream America). But if I dig, I will find a Tupac CD somewhere under my bathrrom sink. Shut up, you. I have bought albums that sold more than six copies. andycat stayed in the red at 9:33 AM	Exponential ESPN Cicely Daily Nexus Sneak Move Dodger Blues LA Times Food Network Growth AIM: ANDYDOAN1 E-Mail: adoan1@hotmail.com Decay 03.03 04.03 05.03 06.03 07.03 08.03 09.03 10.03 11.03 12.03 01.04 02.04 03.04 04.04 05.04 06.04 07.04 08.04 09.04 10.04 11.04 12.04 01.05 02.05 03.05 04.05 05.05 06.05 07.05 08.05 09.05 10.05 11.05 12.05 01.06 02.06 03.06 04.06 05.06 06.06 07.06 08.06 09.06 10.06 11.06 12.06 01.07 02.07 03.07 04.07 05.07 10.07 11.07 12.07 06.08